


Defining Gravity

by Ana_Khouri



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5209673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana_Khouri/pseuds/Ana_Khouri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven can't figure out what she means to Abby while Abby knows but is trying not to see it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Orientation and Perception

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Defining Gravity  
>  **Fandom:** The 100  
>  **Pairing:** Abby/Raven  
>  **Spoilers:** Up until the end of Season 2  
>  **Rating:** M  
>  **Disclaimer:** The bits from the show are not mine. The *feelings* and extra bits are mine but are greatly aided by the way Lindsey and Paige play Raven and Abby... (Gah!)  
>  **A/N:** So I use loads of the show in the first half of this (because have you seen the way they look at each other? of course you have...) but it was a bit of a struggle to add all the requisite scenes (with extra bits and *feelings*) without rehashing the show... Hopefully I struck an okay balance...  
>  **A/N2:** Thank you to:  
>  Girlblunder for Meeting Mrs Griffin (http://archiveofourown.org/works/3706807/chapters/8204105)  
> meqanory (or abigailqriffin) for Chasing Down the Gods (http://archiveofourown.org/works/3854662)/  
> and tinysociopathshaw for this vid: http://tinysociopathshaw.tumblr.com/post/120970347653/mother-of-the-clarke-has-got-it-moving-forward  
> They all helped keep me writing/revising these last 8 or so months! 
> 
> Last but by no means least - thank you to my wifey/beta starbuck1980, Who tells me what I don't want to hear but usually has great advice. This wouldn't be the same without her.

"Shouldn't those be closed?" Raven asked the guards standing outside lockup, pointing to the vents above their heads.

It was her usual day to see Finn and although she knew lockup was quarantined that did not stop her from going by to see if she could find out more, particularly as the quarantine had immediately followed the supposed 'explosion' that left no mark on the hull. It was all a bit too coincidental.

The guard paused the conversation with his colleague and looked at her as if she was an annoyance he should not have to deal with, "Not my call," he replied before turning away from her to continue his conversation.

Raven continued nonplussed, changing tact, "My boyfriend is in there and I'm worried. Do you know anything?" She asked more politely, widening her eyes to look just pathetic enough to warrant sympathy.

The guard turned back to her, he was still irritated but at least he was trying to hide it this time, "All I know is that no one goes in or out," he said before turning from her a second time.

A smile painted Raven's lips as she realised what he had given away. If no one goes in or out then that includes medical aid. That means that the quarantine was not due to sickness.

"Thanks," she replied half-heartedly as she turned and made for the mess hall.

She was looking for any Council member but as she entered the mess hall she saw Dr Abby Griffin standing with a man she vaguely recognised. The doctor would be the perfect contact.

"Excuse me, Dr Griffin," she called, half jogging into the mess hall to catch her before she moved on. Abby Griffin turned to face her and although she had seen Dr Griffin many times before, having full her attention was oddly disconcerting.

"I have a question about the quarantine,” Raven began, continuing before the doctor could speak, “My boyfriend is in lockup, I went to go see him but instead I saw an open air duct. If there really was a virus wouldn't you move to contain the airflow?"

"The virus isn't airborne," Dr Griffin replied without hesitation, looking directly at Raven, "That is why the ducts are open."

"Can you tell me if he's okay?" Raven asked, her concern for Finn bleeding through her self-righteous confidence.

"I can't, I'm sorry," Dr Griffin stated, meeting Raven's eyes with a penetrating stare before bowing her head and turning.

"No you're not," Raven replied, her fear swallowed by anger.

Dr Griffin turned back to face her, face painted with a mixture of interest and incredulity.

"First the drop ship, now this?" Raven continued, holding Dr Griffin's eyes in her own. "The Council is hiding something, and I'm going to find out what it is," she finished, turning on her heel and leaving the doctor and her associate in the mess hall.

As she turned the corner she let out a breath she had not realised she was holding. She had not meant to face off quite so directly with the council but Dr Griffin was clearly lying and that only made her more suspicious and more dedicated to finding out what they were hiding.

She pushed the encounter from her mind to focus on the bigger picture and what that meant for Finn, yet as the day went on she could not quite shake the feeling of the doctor's eyes on hers. There was a curiosity in them and something akin to concern, and the memory unexpectedly lingered.

* * *

Abby Griffin watched the young woman turn from her and leave the mess hall, her words hanging in the air like the threat they were. She was already asking all the right questions and would find out soon enough that the council had sent the100 prisoners to the ground. Despite this Abby found herself admiring the younger woman's determined curiosity.

"Ballsy kid," Jackson commented.

Abby continued to watch the space recently vacated, "Yeah," she responded staring straight ahead, "reminds me of someone."

A nostalgic half smile painted her face as she saw the parallels to Jake and to Clarke, the determination to do what is right no matter the consequences. She only hoped it would not get her killed.

* * *

After lunch Abby and Jackson made their way to Earth Monitoring to see if they could re-establish communication with the ground.

They had been at it for hours, stuck at the fact that the bracelets were not meant as a two way communication system. It had become a frustrating loop of idea, test and failure; idea, test and failure and Abby knew they were missing something small.

They had run through another failed attempt when they both heard a rattling behind the wall.

Abby stepped towards the noise as Jackson made some comment about the station falling apart. She unlocked the keypad and opened the door to see a body hastily exiting. She pulled the body into the room, recognising the face instantly. After their encounter in the mess hall she had looked up the young woman, Raven Reyes, to see what threat she posed. Despite a troubled family life and her relationship to Finn Collins, one of the 100, her record was covered in accolades of her mechanical work. Although it did not change that she was a threat, Abby did not think Raven would be making trouble for the sake of it. What she was doing was following her curiosity, despite the dangers.

"Apparently you have a thing for air ducts," Abby commented, annoyed at how complicated this had just become. Raven put her hands up in surrender and entered the room.

"I'll call security," Jackson stated as he made a move to the comms. Abby was about to stop him when Raven spoke up.

"They're not dying," She announced, scanning the screens intently. Jackson paused.

"What are you talking about?" Abby asked, curious as to the young woman's insight but also curious how long she had been listening and what that would mean for the clearly intelligent and resourceful young mechanic.

"All that's being sent from the ground?" she asked, her eyes still searching the screens.

Abby looked at her for a moment before handing her a bracelet, "Transmitted by these," she stated. It was a gamble but she already knew too much.

Abby watched as Raven opened the bracelet and looked at it intently before looking up again.

"They're taking them off," she finally surmised, throwing the bracelet back to Abby.

"What? Why would they do something so reckless?" Jackson asked incredulously.

Abby continued to watch Raven intently, realising that she was right.

"Because we told them not to," she replied, her eyes never leaving the mechanic's as she tried to figure out how to best protect her from The Council.

Raven stared back, head cocked to the side in agreement.

Abby narrowed her eyes for a moment before breaking the gaze and turning to Jackson.

“I might be able to use that with the council,” she commented to Jackson. “But you...,” she began, grabbing Raven gently by the arm and pulling her to the side of the room before releasing it and facing her. She leaned towards Raven, eyes darting back and forth as she tried to read the young mechanic. What she was about to do was reckless but she somehow trusted this woman to keep her secret.

“If they find out you know they’ll float me. They may float you too,” she added, pain flickering across her face momentarily at the thought that she would be indirectly responsible for another death.

She looked into the young woman's eyes as the mechanic pressed her lips together and nodded. Abby held her gaze for a moment more, gauging her honesty, before backing away and turning.

“Go,” Abby commanded, gesturing to the door Raven had been dragged through. She heard the woman's footfall as she made her way to the door, the beeps as Jackson opened it and then the thud of it shutting.

Her heart was racing, hoping this was the leverage she needed to persuade the Council to go to the ground. As Raven's scufflings had faded into the distance she turned to Jackson, “You keep looking at the communications, I’m going to go speak to the Council,” she informed, turning on her heel and exiting Earth Monitoring, hoping she had not just made a terrible mistake.

* * *

Raven's head was still reeling later that afternoon. She was not sure what she had expected after being discovered (she had not planned on being so clumsy) but it was not for Dr Griffin to trust her with the secret and let her go. She had not expected that from anyone on the Council. Yet here she was, signing back into work like nothing had happened.

Finn was on the ground. It still seemed extraordinary, even for The Council, and while she did not plan on sharing that information far and wide, she had to find a way to get down to him. She let the thought percolate as she made her way through the list of tasks she had allocated that afternoon, hoping a solution would come to her.

Most of the orders that afternoon were run of the mill and the monotony of the tasks caused her mind to wander to earlier – Dr Griffin looking slightly panicked and trying to read her before letting her go. The memory made her chest constrict but she was safe and free so why was she so breathless at the thought?

She pushed the thought away and tried to concentrate on the task at hand, finding only moderate success as she pushed her way through her afternoon list.

She finished her second last job and hefted the display to show her what was next. She raised her eyebrows, refreshing before reading the display again. Sub-level 3. She wondered momentarily who was going to let her in to the restricted level but pushed away that question and the many others percolating below the surface by grabbing her toolbox and making her way down to the sub-levels.

When she came to the entrance of sub-level 3 she knocked, "Did someone call for a mechanic?" she called self-consciously. She knew most of this station inside and out but she saw the sub-levels so rarely and they felt uncomfortably foreign to her. She could feel the nervousness in the pit of her stomach as the moments of silence stretched out before her. She tried to focus on her job, this was clearly a specialist request - something they needed her for - and she took comfort in the knowledge that she was the right person to fix whatever was behind the thick door.

Moments later she heard the telltale hiss of the door being opened from the other side, white steam momentarily obscuring the view of it's occupant. When the steam cleared she found herself standing in front of Dr. Abby Griffin.

"You’re the one who called in the work order?" she asked with a mixture of confusion and concern. She could not imagine the doctor would hurt her, even down here, but her appearance only made Raven more convinced that something was off.

"We need to talk," the councillor replied with an easy manner that seemed out of place with her rank and the current situation. She moved aside to allow Raven to enter.

"Look, I'm..I’m not going to say anything," Raven preempted nervously, wondering how her composure had melted away so quickly in the other woman's presence.

"I believe you," Dr Griffin replied, her usual stern facade replaced by a familiarity that was all the more disconcerting, "and you're not in trouble, follow me," she added with the glint of a smile as she turned and took a few more steps into the sub-level.

"I'm not in trouble _yet_ you mean," Raven commented to herself as she put her tool box down and followed Dr Griffin. "This level is off limits for people like me," Raven reminded her, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Not anymore," the older woman asserted with the ease of someone in power. Raven's eyes narrowed in confusion as she continued. "You know we sent the 100 to the ground, what you don't know is why," she began, pausing for a moment before continuing, "The Ark is dying Raven, life support is on it's last legs. I have ten days to prove that Earth is survivable or they're going to start reducing population. 320 innocent people will be killed."

Raven swallowed, shocked at the bare truth coming from Abby’s lips. She dropped her hands to her side and shifted from foot to foot nervously, "I don't get it, why are you telling me this?" she asked, part of her now more suspicious.

"I looked up your file. You're the youngest Zero-G mechanic on The Ark in 50 years..." Dr Griffin remarked.

"...52," Raven corrected, nervously looking around her, trying to find the trap, "but so what?"

“So…” Dr Griffin pulled the cover off an ancient looking escape pod, "You've got nine days to make this survivable so I can survive a drop," she stated bleakly.

Raven watched her expression for a moment, waiting for the joke or the guards, but the doctor was serious.

Raven turned to the pod and circled it. "What a piece of junk,” she commented, tapping on the shielding before making a circuit of it, “They must've found this thing when they salvaged MIR 3 in 2102.”

She finished her circle and turned back to Dr Griffin, “You want me to get an 130 year old escape pod to withstand the inferno of reentry in nine days," she commented skeptically but Abby’s face never wavered.

"Can you do it or not?" the doctor asked with a forthright directness that erased any thought that she was kidding.

Raven mentally assessed the systems needed for reentry, fiddling with the bird talisman hanging around her neck. Finn had made her the necklace days before he had gone to lockup to save her and now he was on the ground. Now she had a way to get to him.

She looked up at Dr Griffin, her jaw set and eyes steeled, "Hell yes, I can do it. But I'm going with you,” came Raven’s response.

The older woman's eyes widened as she tried to object but Raven continued, “You're not the only one with someone you love on the ground. Those are my terms, take it or leave it," Raven added, her eyes infused with confident determination.

"Alright, you can come with me," the doctor relented, as Raven's face lit up in a smile.

"You got yourself a mechanic," Raven agreed as she swaggered by Dr Griffin and back to her tools.

The idea of the task at hand excited her and her mind ran amok with simulations, trajectories and angles, heat levels and armour densities as she dropped her tools in front of the pod and took a closer look at the systems.

She could feel Dr Griffin's gaze on her as she began to work but it no longer mattered - she had a project and a way to get to Finn.

* * *

Raven was awoken by the distant hiss of the sub-level door. She sat up, wondering how long she had been asleep, as Dr Griffin approached the pod, a tray in hand.

She felt the older woman's gaze as it appraised her.

“Have you been getting enough sleep?” she asked, genuine concern in her voice.

Raven brushed it off, “I'm fine, I've been grabbing a few hours here and there,” she replied generally, gesturing unconsciously to the roll of materials she had been using as a pillow.

She saw the older woman's eyes widen. “You're sleeping _here_?” she answered, surprise painted on her face.

“Saves time,” Raven answered forthrightly, “my understanding is that we're under a rather strict deadline?” she added with her brow raised.

She watched as Dr Griffin opened her mouth to reply, only to close it again and nod.

She took a step forward with the tray. “Well I brought you food in case you were hungry but as the trek to the Mess probably also constitutes a time waster I imagine you're _very_ hungry,” came the doctor's playful reply, her eyes sparkling with guarded amusement.

Raven stood, brushing her hands off on a rag before stepping out of the pod. “You would not be wrong,” she confirmed taking the offered tray. “Thank you Dr Griffin,” she added sincerely before seating herself down and taking a bite of the sandwich provided.

“Abby,” Dr Griffin corrected.

Raven looked up, chewing, sandwich in hand, trying to see her as 'Abby'.

“If we're going to be stuck in a pod together soon I'm not having you 'Dr Griffin'-ing me,” she added by way of explanation.

Raven nodded and swallowed. “Okay Abby,” she replied and the name felt strange on her tongue, like a secret shared between them.

'Abby' nodded and turned to leave, “Make sure you're taking care of yourself Raven. I can't get this pod to the ground without you,” she added, turning to meet Raven's eyes briefly before exiting the room.

After that visit Abby returned at least twice a day with food, ensuring Raven ate, and the initial hesitancy Raven felt in the doctor's presence quickly eased with the shared aim and the threat hanging above them both.

* * *

Abby took a deep breath and continued down the hallway towards Raven and the escape pod. She had successfully convinced Kane that it was not worth following her to Sub-level 3 and was trying not to think about how close they had come to being spaced.

She heard the telltale whirring of Raven at work and noted how quickly her life had altered to revolve around this piece of metal and the mechanic working on it. She addressed Raven before she fully entered the room, "How soon can you get this thing ready to drop?" she asked, hoping Raven had worked miracles and they could go now.

"I'm still trying to scraping up parts to fabricate a pressure regulator," Raven replied without looking up, "We have two more days right?"

Abby began pacing the small space beside the pod, trying to focus her thoughts but all she could comprehend was that Clarke's wrist band had flatlined and she needed to get to the ground and save her little girl.

"Can we launch without that part?" Abby asked, frustrated that all she could do was wait while trusting in Raven and her abilities.

The young woman had actually far exceeded the impressive commendations in her file and had been working nearly around the clock to get the pod in working order - Abby bringing her meals to ensure she ate - but that did not stop Abby from wishing there was something she could do to speed the process.

"We can launch but we'd be dead before we get to the ground," Raven replied with a dark humour to her voice, "And bad dead, ruptured lungs, air bubbles in the brain. We need that part," Raven continued still working on the ship. "Why? Has something changed?"

Abby was silent for a moment, debating on telling her, steeling herself against the emotion the thought caused, "Clarke's wrist signal went out," she finally acknowledged.

She heard rustling behind her and turned to find Raven emerging from the ship.

"Yea, but that doesn't mean anything right? She took it off like the rest of them," Raven reasoned, clearly trying to calm her fears. Abby stared past her, looking everywhere but at her, unable to say anything for fear that she would loose her tightly grasped composure.

"Ok," Raven nodded sombrely before grabbing her jacket, "I can get a pressure regulator today," she announced confidently, but Abby could hear the flaw in it, the slight waver in her voice that betrayed her.

"How?" Abby asked.

"The less you know the better," Raven replied, the smile on her face clearly for Abby's benefit. The thought worried Abby even as Raven's willingness touched her. Was she risking Raven in addition to herself for some fool's errand?

She watched Raven leave without stopping her, trying not to think of what this was going to cost both of them.

* * *

Raven knew Nigel drove a hard bargain but she had never expected her to try to pimp her out. She left angry, more at herself than at Nigel. She could talk her way out of almost anything but this was important, particularly to Abby, and she had failed.

She made her way to Medical, knowing that it was better to tell Abby right away, wishing that there was an option she had not yet thought of.

She faked a cough and Abby made a show of checking her pupils before pulling her through the plastic strips that bordered the clinic.

"Why are you here?" Abby asked once they had gotten out of earshot of the others waiting. Raven knew the frustration in those words was due to exhaustion but the unintended accusation lodged in them twisted in her gut.

"I messed up, I can't get the part," she blurted out - no point in hesitation when time was a significant factor. She started to elaborate on the details of her meeting with Nigel when Abby broke in.

"You went to Nigel?" Abby queried in surprise, her voice sharp, and Raven remembered that she was Council (how easily that had been forgotten).

Raven nodded, swallowing the palpable disappointment only increased by Abby's emphasis of Nigel's name.

"Kane's been trying to get her for years," Abby stated offhandedly, "Did anyone see you?" she asked, concern laced in her voice.

"I don't know," Raven replied hesitantly, watching as Abby's eyes widened just a little bit, "No, Abby, I'm trying to tell you, we can't launch today."

"Are you sure Nigel has the part?" Abby asked and Raven saw her brain working behind her eyes.

"She can get one, yes," Raven replied, wondering what Abby was going to do.

"Ok, I'll take care of it," Abby stated as she left Raven and walked towards the makeshift door.

Raven spun to face her, "What are you going to do?" she asked.

"The less you know the better," Abby replied, her eyes softening slightly despite her determination as she parroted Raven's earlier statement before departing, leaving Raven alone in the clinic room.

* *

Abby paced a line beside the escape pod as Raven worked, clutching the comms screen she hoped would give her some warning of her imminent arrest. She had gotten the part but it was only a matter of time before they found the missing morphine. Raven's life, the lives of everyone on the Ark, and possibly Clarke's life depended on this pod getting to the ground.

"Abby!" Raven exclaimed with a hint of annoyance, breaking the silence otherwise only populated by her drilling,"how about I pace in the operating room next time you're working?"

Before Abby could respond the screen chirriped and Jackson's face appeared as she answered it.

"Abby," he began without segue, "Did you take morphine from the clinic?"

Raven spun to face Abby, her face slack with worry.

"They inventoried already?" Abby whispered to Jackson.

"No, Kane was just here. He's on his way to Mecca to arrest you now," Jackson replied.

Abby let the screen fall to her side before Jackson had finished his sentence, meeting Raven's eyes.

"You gave Nigel morphine?" Raven asked almost cautiously, scared at the lengths to which Abby had gone to get this part, adding another space-able offence to her current actions knowing she would be found out.

Abby looked past her for a moment, trying to figure out how she could have been found out already, "She turned me in," she reasoned as soon as the obvious occurred. She came towards the pod, working hard to keep the panic from her voice. "How much longer?" she asked.

"20 minutes," Raven replied.

"They're going to be here in 5," Abby stated taking a few steps from Raven as she forced herself to think of a way to make this work.

She took a deep breath before facing Raven again, the concern and absolute faith in Raven's eyes giving Abby the strength to do what needed to be done.

"Whatever happens you launch that pod, do you understand?" she said, successfully keeping her voice even.

"I'm not going without you," Raven replied with a conviction she had never expected.

Abby was touched and frustrated at the same time, "Only one of us needs to get to the ground Raven," she reminded her, her eyes watering despite her attempts to keep them clear, "The second you find those kids you radio back, 300 innocent people will die if you don't."

She put her hand on Raven's shoulder, thumb brushing against her bare skin in an attempt to comfort her while giving her the confidence to leave.

"Abby," Raven replied with a softness Abby had never heard from her, her eyes wide and wet with tears, "they'll float you," she added, voice laced with a hurt that was almost unbearable to hear.

Abby was silent for a moment, she knew that was her fate but hearing it acknowledged chipped away at the control she was trying to maintain. "Then they'll float me," she acknowledged with finality, her voice cracking despite her best efforts.

She pulled Raven to her and felt the mechanic hold her tightly as Abby closed her eyes, taking comfort in the contact and the friendship that had formed in the last week. She let Raven go, her hands sliding down Raven's arms to her hands, holding them tightly as emotion threatened to overwhelm her. She forced herself to think of Clarke and while that strengthened her resolve it also made the pain of losing her life more acute.

"Tell Clarke I love her," she told Raven, taking small comfort in the fact that they would be together on the ground. They would take care of each other. That hope was something she would be willing to die for.

Raven nodded and moved to the pod. Abby knew she was hiding a further betrayal of her emotions but she was right, they had no more time for goodbye.

Abby took a deep breath and exited the sub-level to face her fate.

* * *

Abby kept her poise while Kane questioned her despite the pounding in her chest. She knew the less she said the more he would ask, and if she did not stall until Raven dropped they would float both of them. She could not let that happen.

They locked the cuffs around her wrists and she knew she had run out of silence and bluster. Two of the guards walked past her and toward the sub-level and her mind floundered for something, anything, to get their attention. She felt it in that moment of desperation, vibration along the hull. The pod had launched.

She exhaled. Raven was safe. It no longer mattered what happened to her.

* * *


	2. Mass and Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up the word for those plastic sheets they write messages on. If they already have one I totally missed it.

Abby found herself once again staring at her daughter's drawings, the multitude of them reminding her just how long Clarke had been imprisoned in this cell. She forced her eyes from them, sitting on the floor and staring up at the small glass window in the ceiling, the Earth filling the scene in dark blues and greens, wisps of white clouds obstructing the features beneath. Clarke was down there - she knew it as much as she knew the ground was their best hope. Raven would make it, she would save the Ark.

Abby covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes welled up. Raven had not asked for this but who out of them had. She was now their best hope whether she liked it or not.

Jaha came by before long, meeting all her inquiries about Raven's shuttle with silence. But she knew Jaha, he would not hesitate to use Raven's death as proof of her recklessness, which meant Raven's ship was still in one piece.

He handed her a tablet and she read it in disbelief. The o2 levels were even worse than Jake had predicted. She looked up at him, questioning the figures but he confirmed it, adding that she was being released to help in Medical pending review by The Council.

She thought he was done but he continued.

"Abby, the council approved Kane's population reduction plan three hours ago," Jaha stated evenly.

The statement stunned her in the way he had intended it to.

"How many?" she asked.

"320 people will be excised from the grid," Jaha replied, clearly trying to distance himself from the tragedy that was about to occur.

"Murdered," Abby corrected, "320 people will be murdered. We need to wait for Raven to report back."

"Look at those numbers," Jaha replied, loosing the even tone he had maintained, "Look at those numbers, every hour that passes puts more people in danger."

"Raven risked her life for those people," Abby countered, staring down Jaha's righteousness.

"No," he asserted, tone hardening as he took a step towards Abby, "you risked her life."

Abby blinked, taken-aback. He was right.

"Will you ever believe that loving a boy somehow meant trusting her life in 100 year old metal coffin?" Jaha rhetorically asked before continuing without pause, "That trust is going to kill her, another child dead just like all the others, just like our own," he finished, face centimetres from Abby's.

Abby steeled herself against the possibility in his words, blinking back all trace of the tears that threatened to present themselves at the thought that Clarke, Wells and Raven were dead due to her decisions. But she had trusted Raven's abilities enough to risk her own life to the mechanic's handiwork, and Raven had made her own choice. She swallowed the guilt but the fear remained.

"Raven will make it to earth, I know she will," she stated. She was not sure how to relay the rest of it, the fact that she knew Raven would make it like she knew Clarke was alive, so she kept silent.

"God speed to her," was Jaha's only reply and she knew he did not believe her but they would know soon enough.

Raven had to succeed, it was the only option.

* * *

Raven fell. The turbulence was more than she had expected but the pod seemed to be holding.

That brief thought was succeeded by a sharp pain.

When she came back to consciousness her headache made her wince. She put her hand to her head and found blood trickling from the wound on her head.

"Ah crap, that's not good," she muttered to herself as she unbuckled.

She turned to her left to see a blonde appear in the entrance, her vision doubling for a moment before resolving the image.

"Oh my God," the blonde exclaimed, staring at her in shock.

"I made it?" Raven asked, still a bit woozy from the fall and the knock to her head. The blonde nodded, backing out so Raven could exit.

Raven exited the pod, feeling the stale pod air replaced by a sweetness that lingered on her tongue and filled her lungs with every inhale. She stepped on the ground and turned slowly, her arms out, feeling the sun against her face. The trees around her were coloured in shades of orange, trunks melding with a deep green underbrush full of buzzing insects. She had never thought about the ground except as a distant idea, never thought about how beautiful the sights, sounds and sensations would be to experience firsthand. It felt like a dream.

She heard a noise in the underbrush and was pulled from her reverie by Finn running towards her. She could feel her face break into a smile as she wrapped her arms around him. He was alive. She had made it and he was alive. It almost seemed unreal.

He introduced the blonde as Clarke and Raven remembered Abby, remembered the reason she was on the ground. She told the others about the situation on the Ark, leaving out the fact Abby might be spaced for masterminding her escape, before turning her attention back to her ship to radio the Ark. She felt the blood drain from her face as she saw the empty space that once held the radio. That radio was the only chance she had of proving Abby right and stopping her execution. It was the only hope for the 300 people who were going to be subject to population reduction. She cursed herself for not taking better care fastening it to the fuselage as Clarke and Finn came up behind her.

Raven caught a look that passed between them before Clarke suggested it had probably been stolen. Daring to hope, Raven followed them both into the woods, if there was a small piece of it left she would get it to work. She had to. Abby depended on her.

Raven tried to ignore how long it took to recover and then fix the radio, hoping the flares had somehow stalled the executions. She had to be in time. She could not allow herself to think that Abby was not there, especially now that Finn's Grounder-inflicted knife wound meant he needed her. And yet she could hear the desperation in her own voice as she called again and again across space to the metal in the sky she used to call home.

* * *

Abby had always wanted to save people, it was the reason she had become a doctor. But since Jake's death there had been a desperate self-effacing aspect to it, as if by putting her life at risk to save the lives of others she could somehow redeem herself. It was a saviour complex disguised as stubbornness, guilt disguised as self-righteous flaunting of the laws. But it paid off, first with the list of volunteers for Section 17 and then when the ground made contact.

It was fuzzy but Abby recognised Raven's voice immediately. She ran to Earth Monitoring, relief mixing with fear and jubilation as she ran through the corridors, anxious to hear what she had found.

She got on the channel as quickly as she could, unable to tone down the smug smile when Sinclair confirmed the origin of the signal to Jaha.

"Raven are you there?" she asked the microphone that would transmit her voice to the ground.

"Mom?," came a voice she was worried she would never hear again. "Mom, it's me."

It was a sound that became even more precious when they learned of Wells's death. That could have been Clarke. But it wasn't. Clarke was alive. And she needed her.

As soon as she heard about the knife wound she had Sinclair patch her through to Medical. With the technology of the Ark and Jackson's help she proceeded to talk Clarke through removing the knife from Finn.

A storm on the ground played havoc with communication but eventually she heard Raven's voice confirm that the knife was out and Finn was alive.

Communication scattered before lining up and scattering again. When the channel stabilised for a moment she heard Raven's voice, concern evident despite the distance.

"Should he be this pale? Warm too," she asked.

"He's lost a lot of blood Raven, but if your boyfriend is anywhere near as tough as you I'm sure he'll be fine," Abby replied, smiling. She was not sure why the playful sincerity of her statement filled her with warmth but Clarke and Raven were both alive and Finn was out of the woods. There were worse days.

* * *

Raven saw the pod as it flew across the sky, streaking towards the earth much faster than it should have been. Her heart thumped, waiting for the parachute, for something to change, but it continued it's unbuffered descent.

'Abby,' she mouthed as the impact of the pod lit up the night sky.

She knew it was too far away but she felt the impact like a concussive force, her chest constricting as her breath came in gasps. It felt like grief for someone she barely knew.

She tried to push it away, there was no time for grief on the Ark and the ground was even less forgiving.

* * *

Raven knew the bullet John Murphy had fired was killing her but she fought against the ever darkening stain of her blood loss to stay alive and conscious. And yet, not even the threat of Grounders and the threat of sharing the pod with Murphy could stop the inevitable as her body succumb to the darkness.

When she heard Abby's voice her first thought was that she was hallucinating. Yet the fog cleared and she found herself in the drop ship, Abby crouched over her.

"Raven honey it's Abby," the voice said and she resolved Abby's dirt-streaked face painted with concern.

Raven's head spun, she was alive, they were both alive. There were hundreds of things she wanted to say but she knew what the most important thing would be for Abby.

"Clarke isn't here," she responded, her tongue thick in her mouth, "I don't know where she is."

She saw the concern on Abby's face momentary fade to relief when Raven spoke only to be modified by disappointment when she had processed what she had said.

"What happened to you?," Abby inquired, and Raven could tell she was trying to assess her injuries.

Raven looked at Murphy but responded only with, "I got shot."

Abby called for a stretcher before turning back to Raven.

"Let's get you back," she offered, a comforting smile breaking through as she gently squeezed Raven's arm.

Raven felt a half smile cross her lips as she fell into darkness once again.

* * *

Abby entered the tent they had set up as a medical bay to see Raven lying on the bed, eyes sunken and bathed in sweat, with Finn standing beside her.

"How are you feeling?" she asked although it was clear Raven was in a lot of pain.

"Awesome," Raven croaked out.

"She's lying," Finn piped up.

Abby shot a look at Finn that conveyed her recognition of this fact before turning her attention back to Raven, wishing she had better news.

"I know that face, spit it out Abby," came Raven's prompt and the fact Raven could read her so well only made the next words harder to say.

"The bullet is still shifting, that is why you're in pain," she started, the facts gave the rest of it form, "I was hoping it would stabilise by now."

"So how about you take it out?" Raven asked. As if anything was that easy.

Abby took a step towards her, her hand edging Raven's leg without touching it, "Raven we need to talk about that. The bullet is pressing on your spine," first the facts then the options. Abby wondered why this never got easier. "If we leave it in you'll live but you'll never walk again."

"Then take it out," Raven responded without hesitation.

Abby took a deep breath, "The surgery could kill you," she explained, knowing from the look on Raven's face that she was arguing a loosing battle. She was not surprised. She knew Raven would always choose to fight, it was one of the qualities she admired in the younger woman, but she also worried that it gave her a distorted perception of her options. "We have no equipment, no anaesthesia," she explained, almost begging her to listen, to not ask her do this.

"Will I walk again?" Raven asked simply.

"Maybe," Abby replied. In theory if she could relieve the pressure without harming the spinal column Raven could walk again, "But you'd be awake the whole time, you would feel everything."

"Sign me up," Raven repeated, and Abby stared back at her wordlessly. She had no other argument, just her own fear that Raven would die by her hands.

"Wait, Raven," Finn interrupted, "You could die."

"In Zero-G I didn't need my legs," Raven explained, "Down here I do." She turned to Abby, "Take it out," she instructed with unwavering determination.

Abby pressed her lips together and nodded, leaving the room to tell Jackson and make the necessary preparations.

* * *

Raven looked at Abby curiously as she entered half an hour later with bottles of moonshine and a handful of pills. She sat beside Raven on the bed.

"It isn't anaesthesia but I'm hoping the sedatives will help a little," she qualified, her lips forming a smile that never made it to her eyes.

Raven had not really considered the implication of surgery without anaesthesia, she just knew she needed to deal with whatever came, but Abby coming to her having clearly rummaged any painkiller she could get her hands on, that scared her.

Abby put the flasks and pills on the table beside the bed and helped Raven sit up. Despite her newfound fear of the impending event Raven found Abby's presence oddly comforting. She had not realised quite how much she enjoyed the older woman's presence. And yet Abby seemed more somber, guilt-ridden.

When Raven was sitting up Abby passed her one of the flasks and the pills. Raven downed the pills with the liquid as instructed.

"Good. Now finish that slowly," Abby advised of the flask, getting up from the bed and taking the other for sterilisation.

She turned to help Jackson but Raven grabbed her arm, conscious of the warmth beneath her fingers.

"You trusted me to get you to earth in a scrap heap and I trust you to do this," she told her, holding the other woman's eyes in an unwavering stare and reading the truth in her assumption, that part of Abby's guilt was about her, "Whatever happens Abby it was my decision," she confirmed before releasing Abby's wrist.

Abby nodded but the undercurrent of responsibility never left her eyes.

Once Raven finished the alcohol Abby, Jackson and Finn helped her onto her stomach.

Jackson started preparing Raven's back for the procedure and Raven's mind started forcing herself to consider what was about to happen. The alcohol, in addition to making everything a little foggy, made her thoughts harder to control. She tried to force them into a loop of what she had said to Abby. That she trusted her to do this, no matter what happened.

She had gone through the loop a few times when she felt a hand stroking her hair, and Abby's voice in her ear.

For a moment she forgot to be afraid.

"We're almost ready," Abby said softly, her breath ghosting Raven's ear as her fingers gently flexed against her scalp.

Raven tried to ignore the panic rushing to the forefront of her thoughts, focusing on the hand in her hair, but her thoughts would not obey her. And then the hand was gone and Finn was speaking. She knew what he was trying to do but she just wanted to tell him to shut up. She wanted to be calm, silent. Yet she did not trust herself to speak, to utter anything might stop what she knew had to be done. So she remained silent and let him speak, focusing on the sound to drown out her own thoughts.

She felt the strap across her back, Abby's hand on her lower back and the scalpel against her skin.

"Stop!," burst out and she hated the fact she sounded so panicked.

The hands and scalpel lifted immediately.

Raven tried to breathe but breath would only come in gasps and gulps.

"I'm so scared," she uttered as tears streamed across her nose.

Finn put his hand on her head and held her hand tighter, "Just keep looking at me," he prompted and she did, using the points of his eyes to focus, silence the panic in her head, and breathe normally again. She nodded and Finn gave Abby the okay.

Raven eased herself back into the loop 'I trust you to do this, I trust you to do this, I trust you to do this' as she felt the blade bite her skin and then all she heard was the sound of her screams echoing in her ears.

* * *

Abby left her patient unconscious but alive. As she washed the blood from her hands she tried desperately to block Raven's screams from her mind, the cries that only quieted when the pain had become so intolerable her body sent her into unconsciousness. Raven would sleep for a while now and Abby could only hope that she had been precise enough to have not caused any permanent damage.

She told Jackson to wake her when Raven woke and went back to her bunk to crash, lying on top of her bed still in her clothes as exhaustion claimed her.

She heard Jackson's voice and bolted out of bed, expecting an emergency. Jackson assured her Raven was fine but awake. Abby checked the time, it had only been a few hours.

"Already?" she asked incredulously, wondering if that was a good or a bad sign.

Jackson nodded, "I've checked her vitals, she appears to be stable. She's in a lot of pain but that is to be expected."

Abby thanked him and he departed.

She walked over to the bowl of water in the corner and splashed her face, the simple action making her feel slightly more awake. She grabbed the towel beside the bowl and patted her face dry before putting the towel back on the makeshift hook and leaving her bunk.

When she arrived in the medical bay it seemed as if no time had elapsed. Finn was sitting in the same position she had left him, on a stool beside Raven's head, holding her hand. Raven was asleep.

Finn looked up when Abby entered, the exhaustion visible on his face.

"Sorry, Jackson said she was awake," Abby remarked softly, assessing Raven's sleeping form.

"She was," Finn replied, his voice croaky. He cleared it before continuing, "Jackson checked her over and left to get you and she fell back asleep."

Abby nodded. "Good," she uttered softly, "she should sleep for a while." She checked the stitching and felt Raven's forehead before turning to Finn.

"You get some rest, I'll stay with her," Abby offered, taking in Finn's heavy lidded gaze.

Finn opened his mouth to object but Abby raised her eyebrows, "I'm not listening to any arguments," she uttered in mother-mode before softening, "She may need you again before this is over and I need you awake," she finished honestly.

Finn nodded before disentangling his hand from Raven's and standing.

"Thank you. Come get me if she wakes up," Finn asked, making his way towards the exit.

"I will," Abby replied, sitting herself in the seat Finn had just exited.

Finn nodded again before turning and exiting the medical tent.

Raven made a sound as her hands grasped for the empty space that had been Finn's hand.

Abby took her hand, "Shhh, it's alright," she muttered, stroking the back of Raven's hand with her thumb.

Raven's eyes fluttered open, a half-sleepy gaze, before falling shut again "Finn," she uttered without intonation.

"Finn had to get some sleep honey," Abby replied to the unspecified question, putting her free hand to Raven's head and stroking her temple with her thumb, "go back to sleep."

"Abby," Raven exhaled.

"Yes, it's me, go back to sleep," Abby repeated.

"You didn't die," Raven voiced so softly it was hard to distinguish from breath.

Abby took a moment to decipher the murmurings, "No, I didn't die," she chuckled in spite of statement, realising that while she was worrying about Raven making it to Earth, Raven must've been worrying that she would be executed, "I'm right here," she confirmed, squeezing Raven's hand gently as a smile spread across her face unbidden.

Raven remained silent and soon her breathing became deep and regular. Abby adjusted her stool and rested their hands on her lap. She knew she would not do this for every patient but she considered Raven a friend and used that as an excuse for her presence. Yet, if she was honest with herself, she was drawn to Raven. The younger woman had a combination of strength, determination and confidence that Abby respected but she also had a fragility about her that Abby felt the need to understand and protect. Which is why she was here, at the intersection of professional duty and personal care, protecting her as best she could.

* * *

Abby stood at the bottom of Raven's bed surveying her patient. Raven had more colour in her face and was clearly in less pain but it was time to test her reflexes to see how the surgery had gone.

Abby took a deep breath and exhaled before running her fingers up the bottom of Raven's right foot. Raven's toes twitched in response and she could not help the hopeful happiness that bubbled up inside her.

"You felt that?" she asked, although the answer was obvious. Raven nodded. She tried the other one, hoping that she had been precise enough, that all Raven's pain had been worth it.... but nothing.

"Try it again," Finn demanded harshly.

Abby flinched but ignored him, testing Raven's leg from her foot upward, but it was not until she passed the knee that Raven spoke up.

Abby paused and looked down, licking her top lip as she try to find the words to confirm what everyone in the room knew to be true. She wondered for a moment what she could have done better before remembering that they were waiting for her to say something.

"Raven, it seems you have significant damage to the nerves in your left leg," she heard herself saying and she riled against the clinical tone to her delivery. She wanted to say something more, to find some comfort in this but she struggled to find the right words.

"Will it get better?" Raven asked. It was the logical question.

"For now you'll need crutches," Abby elided, trying to give an encouraging smile. "But you're alive and you're not in pain anymore," she reminded her, trying to reassure both of them.

"But I'm still crippled," came Raven's reply. The tears ran down her face despite the fact Abby could tell she was fighting them.

Abby felt her own strength crumble in the face of Raven's desolation and grasped at anything that would allow her to leave before it betrayed her.

"I'm going to give you two some time," she found herself saying and nodded at Finn before exiting the room.

She took the quietest route to her bunk and sat on the side of her bed. Her head fell into her hands as she came up with hundreds of things she should of done, or should not have done that might have improved Raven's outcome. But it was ludicrous, she was a surgeon and not all of her patients had good outcomes. She knew Raven was lucky to have survived, to have feeling in one leg in addition _was_ a good outcome, and yet she could not shake the feeling that she had failed her.

Tears burned behind her eyes but she forced them away. Clarke was still out there and she now knew what she needed to do to save her.

* * *

Abby knew that she had broken the law by freeing Bellamy and giving him and Finn guns and yet she could not believe that this was the punishment that was warranted. Yet as the whip bit into her skin she knew she deserved it, not for her current crime but for betraying Jake and for not protecting Clarke in the first place.

Her body was shocked again and again, just offbeat from Kane's even tone and Abby could feel the skin of her back blistering. She tried to pull the pain toward her, let it eat the grief and guilt bubbling up to suffocate her, but it would not comply and she felt more than heard the ragged cries as they were torn from her throat - pain, guilt and grief echoing through the air.

* *

Raven had passed the last few days in her recovery bed staring at the entrance or the ceiling, wishing the bullet had done its worst or that she had died during the surgery. She knew she should be grateful to be alive but this half-recovery felt like purgatory.

She heard a noise at the door and looked over to see Abby enter with some piping and padding, her movements slow and purposeful.

"What is that for?" Raven asked without preamble, her voice was low and even, edged with a hint of annoyance.

Abby noticeably prickled before speaking. "I thought you could help me make you crutches," Abby replied with a forced lightheartedness as she lay the piping against the wall.

"Right," Raven replied, self-loathing infusing her tone as she glazed over Abby's face to the door beyond. She could not look the other woman in the eye, she knew Abby had done everything she could but Raven's body had disappointed them both.

Abby moved closer to her and she felt a finger on her chin as it was forced up to focus on Abby's face.

"You are lucky that the bullet didn't kill you," the older woman began in an even tone, "that you didn't bleed out and that you survived the surgery," she pointed out. "Finn and Bellamy are out there right now trying to rescue Clarke and the others from the Grounders," she told Raven, her voice growing harder, "and here you are feeling sorry for yourself because you can't feel below your left knee?" she asked, crooking an eyebrow as she released Raven's chin. "Where is the determination that made an 130 year old drop ship survivable in 7 days? What happened to the Raven Reyes who fell to the ground in a contraption she built, bled out for days without dying and then went through surgery without anaesthesia? Because that Raven Reyes wouldn't let a lame leg stop her from anything."

Abby stepped back, her eyebrow raised as she crossed her arms and watched her words sink in.

Raven nodded, she still could not _feel_ it but she knew what Abby said was true, that she needed to accept this and move on.

"Sounds like I'll need crutches," She replied evenly, unable to muster enough antagonism to support the helplessness she felt.

Abby nodded in approval and turned to the pipes she had put down earlier, wincing as she turned.

"What's wrong?" Raven asked with an energy she had not possessed a moment ago, moving up in her bed to see what had happened.

"Nothing," Abby brushed off, betraying her words by wincing again as she pulled the pipes and padding away from the wall. Her shirt rode up to betray a sliver of burnt skin.

"That's not nothing," Raven pointed out as she remembered the screams she heard earlier. "That was you screaming?" she asked, her voice laced with shock and concern, her pain momentarily forgotten in the face of what Abby had endured. She took her legs out of the bed and carefully swung them over the edge of her bed to face Abby, struggling momentarily with the left one.

Abby looked at her, her lips pressed into a thin line. She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and nodding.

"Yes," she finally admitted.

"They actually whip-lashed you?" Raven asked, still incredulous despite her admission. She knew what the exodus charter said but to have it enacted on Abby seemed insane.

Abby nodded again, leaning the piping against Raven's bed.

"Why?" Raven asked.

"Helping Bellamy escape and arming him and Finn," she acknowledged, her eyes shifting between Raven's.

Raven was silent for a moment, trying to hold Abby's gaze before she looked down at Abby's hand, positioned close to her own right hand. She realised Abby was holding on to the bed and unobtrusively steadying herself. Raven covered the hand with her own, needing some way of conveying how much it meant to her that Abby had helped. "Thank you," she stated simply, her eyes on their hands for a moment before looking up.

She felt something then, as their eyes connected, like a current running from Abby's hands to hers and settling in her stomach. Abby broke the gaze and took a step back, the connection lost. And yet the feeling in Raven's stomach remained, niggling her with something she did not quite recognise.

Abby cleared her throat, "Shall we get started then?" she offered with a forced nonchalance that bordered on awkward.

Raven shook her head. “Not until you let me put something on your back,” she bartered determinedly, “it looks really angry.”

Abby sighed, looking at Raven for a long moment before nodding.

Raven watched Abby move to the cabinets, surprised but how easy it had been to convince her. She came back with a small vial of oil and handed it to Raven. “Just a small amount will do,” she instructed before turning around and carefully leaning forward with her back just shy of Raven's bare shins.

* * *

 

Abby pulled the back of her shirt up to expose the burn marks, suddenly feeling uncomfortably naked despite still being mostly covered. She should have let Jackson do this earlier but she had been stubborn and hated him fussing.

She drew in a sharp inhalation of breath as Raven's fingers ghosted one of the burns and she felt Raven pull back instantly.

“It's okay, it's going to hurt at first,” Abby counselled, “keep going.”

Raven's fingers returned and even though the burns reacted to the lightest pressure she could feel the care Raven was taking, easing fingers along her back in light strokes. She fought to stay still, to be the patient for once and let Raven do this, but even as part of her fought she was also calmed by the younger woman's touch in a way she had not felt with Jackson. There was a methodical regularity to her slow trail of pressure, release, pause, return, and Abby had found herself hypnotised by it, the oil dulling her pain as a warmth spread along her back and into her stomach.

She felt the extended pause as a chill and turned around, meeting Raven's gaze and catching something that reflected her own contradictory emotion of nervous calm.

“I think I'm done,” Raven offered, clearing her throat and breaking the gaze as Abby took the breath she had not realised she was holding.

Abby forced a smile on her face that became sincere when she met Raven's eyes again. “Thank you,” she acknowledged with an easy sincerity before taking the vial from Raven's hands, “Now let's measure you for these crutches,” she instructed before putting the vial away in the cabinet.

* * *

Raven kept her touch light and even, feeling the rough edges to the burns beneath her fingers. She could tell Abby was trying her best to keep still and smiled knowingly at how difficult it must be for her – that she had relented so easily was surely a sign of how much the burns were causing her pain. Raven could feel the warmth of Abby's body bleeding through the space between her shins and Abby's back and the proximity felt good, addictive, even as it seemed awkward that she was this close. Did Abby's trust in her mean she was more to Abby than a patient? Were they friends?

Raven finished applying the oil, pausing to see if she had missed any spots as Abby turned around. She met her eyes and felt it again, that niggling in her stomach that was both familiar and frightening.

She broke the silence hurriedly, Abby returning the vial to its place before turning her attention back to Raven and her crutches.

“It would be better if I could measure you standing,” Abby began “but I don't want to pull so stop if anything is painful,” she cautioned.

Raven nodded, slowly pushing herself off the bed, Abby's hand grabbing to support her arm as soon as Raven shifted.

Raven felt the warmth in her forearm as Abby supported her left side, and although contact between them often felt strange as they shuttled between patient and friend, there was a comfort and solidity in her support that had nothing to do with the pressure on her arm. Raven's right foot met the floor and Abby guided Raven's left hand to the bed to allow her to steady herself.

Raven watched as Abby took the measuring tape from her pocket. She tucked one end under Raven's right foot and brought it up the length of her leg, the tape brushing against skin. At Abby's instruction Raven took her right hand from the bed and raised her arm, instinctively grabbing for Abby's shoulder with her left hand as she began to wobble. Abby froze in place, allowing Raven to get her balance back, before continuing and measuring under Raven's armpit. It was beginning to feel almost normal, this lack of distance between them, until Abby raised her eyes from the measurements, meeting Raven's as that awkward something passed between them again.

Abby helped Raven back in bed, and although Abby had started to explain her idea around the construction of the crutches and the concerns she had with weight distribution, Raven thought she seemed distracted. She brushed off her concern and tried to focus, knowing Abby was trying to give her a problem to solve and appreciating the effort, even though it felt like spoon-feeding.

Even before Abby had finished speaking Raven began looking around the room, her mind firing with ideas.

"I need something to write on, do you have a flimsy?" she inquired when Abby had finished speaking.

Abby looked around, "Be right back," she replied as she exited the room to return a few moments later with the clear plastic sheet and a marker.

Raven inched up in bed, wincing as the bed covers caught her stitches.

Abby moved the marker to the hand with the flimsy and helped arrange the covers with the other. Raven felt the heat of Abby's hand by her stitches and the featherlight touches tingled up her spine. She found the effect both disorienting and oddly comforting and involuntarily leaned in to the touch.

When she was situated, Abby handed her the flimsy and the marker. Raven took the offered items and began scribbling away a few design ideas, talking them through with Abby before deciding on the one that would make the most sense. She wiped the sheet free of all other designs before enlarging the agreed one and adding the measurements and connection angles. Abby watched intently, Raven passing it to her when it was completed.

“Try Tomas if he isn't on anything else,” Raven suggested. She knew she could work circles around him but while his work was simple it was sturdy.

Abby nodded, turning to collect the pipes but Raven put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"You really suck at taking care of yourself don't you?" she asked rhetorically, eyebrows raised.

Abby turned to look at her, a quirked smile on her face. "When did you become a doctor?" she teased, raising one eyebrow in response.

"It doesn't take a doctor to realise that load will put pressure on the burns on your back," she teased back before dropping her tone, "Seriously. Let someone else get those."

Abby dropped her smile and nodded, leaving the poles and padding behind and leaving the room.

Raven felt her face smile as Abby left. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed working together.

Tomas entered a few minutes later to retrieve the pipes, looking at her somewhat sheepishly as he started to explain his presence.

"It's okay. I know," she interjected, "Thanks Tomas," she added, smiling a little.

Tomas nodded and scurried out of the room, pipes in tow.

* * *

The crutches were functional and Raven could not complain about their fabrication, but she still loathed their usage. They reminded her that she was no longer whole, no longer fully capable and that knowledge burned within her as self-hate.

Abby had only returned once, to make sure she knew how to use the crutches properly, and when she did she seemed distant, distracted. Raven felt that distance as an acknowledgement that she was not important to Abby (or anyone) and it only fuelled her feelings of insignificance.

She jumped at the chance to get back to work, to bury herself in some problem and find escape in it and it did help. There were enough problems at the camp to throw herself into and between helping solve them and the brace she made to help support her leg she started to feel a bit more like herself. Abby still barely spoke to her and that rankled more that it should have. She was, after all, just her doctor.

* * *

Abby read the note, furious at her daughter for going against her. She wracked her brain as to how she could have escaped and when she fell upon the simple answer she felt the betrayal even more acutely.

She stalked across the camp, note in hand, making a beeline for the table where Raven was seated. She noticed that Raven ignored her approach until she put the note down on the table in front of her.

"Did you know about this?" she asked, keeping her voice even.

Raven looked up at her with big round innocent eyes before making a show of reading the note. She looked back up at Abby.

"No," she replied simply.

Abby stared at her, she knew she was lying and the fact she was doing it to her face hurt more than her helping Clarke. She eased herself into the chair opposite.

"Sure, have a seat," Raven quipped but Abby was not going to be charmed out of this.

"Tell me where they went and you won't be in trouble," Abby threatened.

"Abby, I.." she started, throwing a careless smile but Abby cut her off, leaning forward as she made to stand.

"Someone let them through the fence. Someone gave them guns," Abby accused, standing over her.

Raven's eyes gave nothing away as she stared Abby down without rising to defensiveness but Abby saw her swallow and she knew Raven was about to lie to her again.

"I don't know.." was all Abby heard as the fear-fuelled anger overwhelmed her.

She felt the pain in her hand, heard the silence around them, and felt the stares boring into her from all around but she kept her eyes on Raven, expecting her to lash out, confess, anything that would substantiate the fact that she had just slapped her.

But Raven just turned her head back slowly and looked at her with a mixture of shock and sadness. Abby's heart ached in the light of that sadness, the betrayal she had felt moments ago reversed, and she crumpled into her chair with her head in her hands.

She heard the scraping of Raven's cup on the table top and looked up in disbelief at the woman opposite her. In one motion she had shown both sympathy and a maturity of understanding Abby herself had lost.

Abby dropped her hands on the table, floundering for something that made sense in this world turned upside-down.

"She thinks because of what she's been through she's changed," she began, not sure why she was telling Raven, "but she's still just a kid," she added, her voice cracking as she held back the tears building behind her eyes.

"You're wrong Abby," Raven replied kindly, and her eyes held sympathy but also a sincerity, "She stopped being a kid the day you sent her down here to die," she pointed out evenly, her eyes trying to soften the blow of her words.

Abby watched her for a moment wordlessly, knowing that Raven was not trying to hurt her and that, despite Abby's reasons for sending Clarke to the ground, Raven's point was valid. They had sent children down to survive. It should have been no surprise that they became adults in the process. She took the proffered cup and downed the liquid in one gulp, wincing at the bitterness as it burned down her throat.

"How did you become so smart?" she asked ruefully. She placed the cup back down as the liquid tingled through her, making her a bit lightheaded. She realised she had not eaten since breakfast.

"Some of us were forced to be adults even younger than Clarke," Raven replied wistfully as her eyes glazed past Abby to the camp beyond.

Abby wanted to know what had happened to Raven to make that statement viable and so deeply painful but before she could muster anything adequate to address the intensity of Raven's words the younger woman's gaze returned to the present, "Don't worry about Clarke," she reassured, changing the subject, "Octavia knows these woods even better than Clarke and Bellamy. They will be fine."

"I knew you were lying," Abby replied softly, staring into the now empty cup before looking up.

Raven caught Abby's gaze and held it, "Then arrest me Chancellor," she challenged, a bitterness in the way she uttered Abby's title that chilled her.

"I'm not going to arrest you," she replied calmly, "I did the same to find Clarke," she added offhandedly.

"Yes, you did," Raven emphasised each word, as if that had been her point all along.

Abby nodded resignedly, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "Thank you," Abby uttered, covering Raven's hand with her own, remembering too late to keep her distance from this contact that made her feel both contented and flustered in equal measure.

Raven looked at their hands oddly for a moment before looking up at Abby quizzically, "Thank you for what?"

"For.." Abby began before pausing, trying to get her thoughts in order.

 _'For not causing a bigger scene? For making me realise my hypocrisy?'_ she contemplated, but they did not cover what she was feeling.

"..for being you," she finished carelessly, a smirk on her lips. It was far less specific and far more personal than she had meant it to be. She pulled her hand away slowly and made to stand, knowing she needed to leave before she said anything else.

"In that case you're welcome," Raven replied, her usual confident bluster returning, "stay for another?" Raven asked taking her cup from Abby's side of the table.

Abby shook her head, "Maybe next time," she demurred as she stood.

"I'll hold you to that," Raven replied cockily as Abby turned and walked back to her bunk.

As she walked away from the common area Abby replayed the scene in her head. She saw the way Raven's betrayal hurt more than Clarke's, the way Raven could read her without hesitating, and the way contact felt additively warm but also disorienting. She had realised there was an intensity to their friendship since Raven helped her with the escape pod, that kind of pressurised circumstance made fast friends, but this felt different.

And was Raven flirting with her? The idea filled her with warmth as the conscious recognition of her own want hit her like an ache in the stomach, replacing that warmth with dread. Raven was barely older than her own daughter and whatever she thought either of them were feeling she was mistaken. She took a deep breath and pushed the thought away as best she could but it lingered on the periphery of her mind, acknowledged.

She took the few steps remaining to her bunk door, resolving to keep her distance from Raven. It was the only way she could maintain what objectivity Clarke's actions left her and keep everyone safe.

* * *

 


	3. Inertia

 

Raven tried to convince herself that Abby was not ignoring her but while they were often in the same room there was no hint of the friendship she thought reaffirmed the night Abby found Clarke's note.

The next time she found herself alone with Abby was in a tent, escaping from the acid fog beneath Mount Weather. As she tinkered with the radio Abby watched her - calling in desperation to Clarke through the walkies although they both knew they would not work this close to Mount Weather. It was like she needed something to focus on, as if she was using her concern for Clarke as a shield.

Her comments about not understanding signal encryption also fell short of sensible for someone with a techie husband and a pretty formidable brain, as if she was distancing herself by putting on a show of being old. Yet in the smile that followed Raven's success clearing the channel there was a glimmer of the Abby she knew. But it quickly vanished as the Chancellor saw the decision she had to make - destroy the signal blocking communication with the hope of finding other Arc survivors or have the ability to listen to the enemy and gain an edge over saving those they knew were trapped.

"I know what Clarke would do," Raven remarked, trying to draw her out, while abstractly referencing the conversation they had about Clarke being an adult whose decisions were just as valid.

Abby told the guard to stand down but made no other remark. It was not until she was telling Clarke about being able to listen in to Mount Weather - stealing complicit glances at Raven - that Raven knew Abby had heard her that night. And yet clearly something had changed between them. She wracked her brain for an explanation but could not figure out why Abby had become so variable.

* *

Raven paced the holding cell, hating the fact that her actions had her in here instead of out out there protecting Finn from being handed over to the Grounders as punishment for the deaths in TonDC.

"Pacing isn't going to help," Jaha commented, seated on the floor by the door.

"Well it helps me," Raven bit back with more force than she had intended.

"Suit yourself, but you may be here for a while," Jaha pointed out.

Raven's instinctual response was that Abby would get her out and while she hoped that was true she could no longer be certain of anything where Abby was concerned.

She tried to sit down but found that she was unable to sit still and had gone back to pacing when Abby finally came through the holding cell doors.

"Abby, let me out of here, please. It was stupid, I'm sorry," she said in a rush, knowing she was begging but she was beyond caring.

"No, I don't want to hear it," Abby's voice was stern in a way that was rarely directed at her. It was her Chancellor persona to a T and Raven fought to find her friend in those eyes.

"He was ready to throw Finn out of the gate," Raven pointed out.

"And you think I would let that happen?" Abby asked pointedly. And for a moment she was there - the Abby she knew. The Abby she missed.

Raven remained silent for a moment. How could she say that while she trusted Abby, The Chancellor made her suspicious? "I don't know," she responded.

Abby stared her down, her eyebrows raised.

Raven avoided her gaze, unable to face the searching of this person who was both friend and possible enemy.

"No," she finally admitted, staring at the floor.

"The only way we are going to make it through this is if we trust each other," Abby counselled and Raven's confusion bubbled to the surface. She wanted to trust her but she could not. Not yet.

"I'm trying," she responded, a pained expression crossing her face.

"She's free to go," Abby called to the guards without taking her eyes off Raven. "You do anything like that again you will be back here and you will stay here. Do you understand me?" she reminded in her authoritarian voice.

Raven could only nod as she exited hastily.

* *

Raven and Bellamy stood outside the meeting room door, waiting. They knew Kane was inside, speaking to Abby and Jaha about Finn and the impending Grounder attack.

Abby came out first and Raven and Bellamy plied her with questions but she refused to answer anything directly. Surely if he was safe she would say something other than 'we're all trying to find a way out of this.'?

"They're going to give him to the Grounders," Bellamy stated when Abby had pushed her way past them and, although Raven did not want to believe it, that did seem a real possibility. As much as she wanted to trust Abby she knew that if she was wrong it would mean Finn's death. She could not let herself be wrong.

* * *

They ran to the drop ship, split up to avoid detection. When Finn arrived he was carrying Clarke, unconscious and bleeding from a gash on her head. They lay her on the floor, making a pillow from whatever they could find and Raven sat beside her, tending to the wound, wondering what Abby would do to her if anything happened to Clarke.

Finn sat beside her, staring down at Clarke, "I never meant to hurt you," he remarked, referring to the fact he had fallen for Clarke while they were still together.

Raven nodded, "I know. Truth is things change," and they had for her too, "Maybe it is for the best."

"Don't let me off the hook so easily," Finn joked.

Raven smiled, "We'll always be family," she asserted.

"Always," Finn agreed.

And with that Raven let go of the anger she had not realised she was still holding on to, her eyes falling to Clarke as she woke up.

* *

Finn had given himself up to the Grounders to save her, Clarke, Bellamy and Murphy. And here she was, hours later, watching the Grounder camp from behind the fence of Camp Jaha, desperately wishing she knew what to do to stop his execution.

Clarke and Bellamy left the fence and she followed them. Clarke was going to try again with the Grounder commander. It was a desperate act but Raven was happy to accept any chance. She gave her a knife, concealed on her wrist, and told her to kill the Commander if she could not free Finn. Clarke left and Raven went back to the fence, watching her hope turn to blood as Clarke used the knife to kill Finn. If she had not trusted her, if she had not armed her.... Her thoughts swallowed her into darkness.

The next few days were consumed by anger and pain as she proceeded with the motions of life yet existed only as a shadow of herself, cloaked in an all-consuming hate-driven guilt.

But as she stood watching Gustus, second to the Grounder's commander, suffer the pain of hundreds of wounds she understood what Clarke had done. The darkness ebbed and she looked back at Clarke, 'This would have been Finn,' she muttered to herself.

"Yes," replied a voice beside her and she recognised Abby, tending to the wound on her arm from when she had been accused of Gustus's treason. "She loved Finn too," Abby added softly, still focused on the bandage.

Raven's eyes began to water and she sniffed in the attempt to hold them back. Abby looked up at her and caught her eyes, searching for a moment as if needing confirmation of what she saw, "You're back," she said with a soft simplicity as she held Raven's cheek momentarily.

Raven nodded as Abby's fingers withdrew, the simple touch melting the barrier to her tears as they rolled down her face unbidden. She wiped at them uselessly as Abby's right arm wrapped around her and pulled her away from the crowd.

Abby sat them on log at the edge of the trees and Raven felt hands move from her back to her head, fingers brushing the edge of her scalp in soothing patterns. Raven squeezed her eyes shut as Abby's touch chipped away at the force that was holding her together. She felt the tears leak through her clenched eyelids and redoubled her efforts but she knew it was too late to hide her tears from Abby.

"It's okay to cry honey," Abby said soothingly, turning to kiss the top of her head before leaning her cheek against it.

But it was not okay. Not like this. Not when Abby's touch was making her feel in ways it had no right to.

Raven disentangled herself from Abby and sat up straight, shaking her head.

"Okay," Abby replied calmly, trying to read Raven, "Do you want me to go?" she asked.

Raven nodded, although her expression had softened.

Abby nodded and stood, walking from the log and into the crowd as it dispersed.

* * *

Abby sat on her bunk staring at the small glass vial of Finn's ashes. Clark had refused a similar vial but she had not yet approached Raven with the one she had collected for her. She hoped it would help the younger woman's barely contained grief but the episode earlier left her second guessing all of her intentions. She knew that she cared for Raven and that comforting her had come from that caring but she was worried that her feelings for her may have also played a part. She could not separate her desire to be close to her from simple compassion and the last thing she wanted to do was take advantage of Raven's grief.

She had tried to shut down her developing feelings and tried to stay away, but when Raven was injured it had all been forgotten. She had still been patching her up when Gustus's punishment pulled her from the abyss that had haunted her since Finn's death. Raven had almost broken down in front of everyone and Abby could never have walked away then.

She should have realised when comforting her felt too good but it was not until Raven pulled away and she felt the emptiness of that loss that she remembered why she was supposed to be staying away.

Abby exhaled. She would not be getting sleep anytime soon and just because she did not want to see Raven did not mean she should deprive her of a way to let go of Finn.

She put the vial in her pocket and left her tent.

* * *

Raven came back to her tent to find a small glass vial and a flimsy.

'I took these from the fire, thought they could help you say goodbye. - Abby'

She smiled in spite of herself, her insides warming. She recognised the feeling as explicitly connected to Abby but was not sure what to do about it. Yes, she liked Abby, respected the hell out of her, really enjoyed being around her but what she was feeling was more than that. It was as if they had some connection that they alone shared. But there were times, even when she was not being Chancellor, that Abby was distant, cold even, and Raven was never sure if she should trust that this feeling between them was anything more than her imagination.

She held the small glass vial up to the dim light, "Who am I supposed to talk to about this now, eh Finn?" she asked the vial before her expression clouded over. "I wish we had spoken earlier, that I had forgiven you earlier. I wasted so much time being jealous when we could have been being friends," she said to the un-hearing glass, hoping that somewhere Finn was watching. Her eyes began to water but she let the tears flow. "I miss you," she said as the world blurred, releasing the pain she had been holding. The raw bite of it twisted in her gut as she grasped the vial in her hand, crying into the night until the tears exhausted her.

* * *

 


	4. Momentum

Raven woke up to Abby calling out in her sleep, flinching at the desperation in those cries. She slid herself off the bed carefully, wincing as pain shot through her many wounds, and leaned over to the older woman's bed, using her arms to stabilise her. She balanced herself on one arm and the least painful leg (the one she never again thought she would call her 'good' leg) and took Abby's hand with her free hand.

"Abby. It's okay, wake up," she whispered, trying not to wake the others in the larger med bay.

Abby twitched in her sleep before her eyes opened, "Raven," she whispered before realising Raven should not be able to stand.

"What are you doing out of bed?" she chastised sleepily, propping herself up.

"You were calling out in your sleep," she replied, unable to keep the defensiveness from her voice.

Abby looked down, her lips pressed together before she was able to return Raven's worried gaze.

"What was I saying?" Abby asked.

"You were just muttering but you sounded like you were in pain," Raven replied.

"Thank you for waking me," came the empty-sounding reply, "but you should get back to bed before you fall."

Raven looked at Abby incomprehensibly but Abby just lay back and closed her eyes.

Raven fought her way back to her bed, finding it harder than she had the first time since holding herself at the edge of Abby's bed had exhausted her arm. When she returned to her supine position she stared at the ceiling and tried to make sense of Abby's brush off. She did not need to be Chancellor or Doctor in here so why push her away? The hurt left an emptiness she was trying not to get used to.

* * *

Abby listened for Raven's even breaths before venturing to open her eyes. She peeked Raven's way, letting the dim light trace her features, before confirming she was asleep. Abby exhaled.

It had been two days since they returned from Mount Weather and one day since they retrofitted a storage area into a larger medical bay for the injured. Abby had been sleeping a lot but she had seen Raven brought in and put next to her, she was just not sure what to do about it yet. It was unfair to Raven no matter what she did, for all she knew Abby was her friend, if a completely erratic one. Abby did consider them friends and hated to distance herself from the young mechanic, but she could not stop the way her heart sped up when they touched or the way Raven's smile warmed her. She wanted to hold her but she could not control the parts of her that stirred at the thought of Raven's body pressed against hers. She had tried to reason her way out of it, Raven was, after all, barely older than her daughter, but Abby saw a maturity of spirit in Raven, one she could not help but be drawn to.

She hated the fact she could not move, could not pace, or fume. Here she could only exist within herself. It was always said that doctors made the worst patients. She chuckled to herself ruefully at the truth of that statement before looking back at Raven and wondering what she thought of her.

* * *

"I spy," Raven prompted, still lying in her bed.

Abby groaned. Raven had been trying to get her to play some game to pass the time all morning.

"Come on," she encouraged and Abby could feel herself smiling in spite of herself. It was too easy, being together like this.

"Fine," Abby relented.

"I spy with my little eye something that starts with C," Raven announced a bit too happily.

"Ceiling," Abby stated deadpan.

She heard Raven sit up in bed, "Hey!" she exclaimed, "you're no fun!" she accused playfully.

"What else could you be looking at that starts with C?" Abby pointed out, turning to look at Raven, eyebrow raised.

"ummm... 'cannula, cover, coveralls...." Raven started naming as Kane walked in.

"..Kane," she added giggling.

"That's a K Raven," she pointed out, mock rolling her eyes as Kane approached.

"I was coming to see how you were but it seems like you are already being entertained," Kane noted evenly with the hint of a smile.

"Stir-crazy, we're going stir-crazy," Abby explained, glancing briefly at Raven who nodded vigorously.

Abby dropped her voice as Kane came closer, "Although I think it might be the herbs they put her on for the pain," she added conspiratorially.

"I heard that and we're on the same stuff!" Raven defended loudly.

Abby smiled before turning back to Kane and composing herself.

"How is it out there? Any word from Clarke?" she asked.

Kane shook his head, "Not yet. But she's a tough kid she'll be fine."

"She's not a kid, not anymore," Abby admitted, staring off into the distance before snapping herself out of it and focusing on Kane.

"How are the fortifications doing? How is everyone?" she prompted.

Kane shook his head again, his lips pressed together in the trace of a smile, "No work talk," he admonished.

"I'm still Chancellor," Abby pointed out.

Kane raised his arms in mock surrender, "I'm not trying to take your position from you, I'm doing it for your health. Doctor's orders."

"Humm," Abby murmured, narrowing her eyes, "I'll have to talk to Jackson when I see him next. So what can we talk about?" she asked.

Kane started talking about the weather, about their plans for planting in the future, about pregnant citizens, birthdays, and life getting back to as normal as it could on the ground. And it seemed possible for a moment, that this could be there future, that they could all have a life here. If only it were that easy.

* * *

Raven pushed herself to get back to work as early as possible. Even though Abby's presence made the med bay bearable she had still been climbing the walls for some form of diversion.

She was back using the crutches, her new 'good' leg taking the brunt of the weight with the help of her arms. She still could not stand for long periods of time but she could work on anything that allowed her to sit.

On one of her first days back she was looking into the repeated brown-outs in the camp and realised that the solar panel delivery system had been partially fried on re-entry. While most of the panels themselves were functional some of the wiring to the batteries had shorted. The system had compensated by rerouting to the remaining wires but the failsafe that measured electrical capacity had been broken long before they came to the ground, which meant the shorts were continually increasing and putting even more of a load on the remaining wires in a slow cascade. So while others reviewed and repaired the wiring as best they could, Raven started working on a prototype for a new capacity measurement system. It was the kind of thing she loved doing, piecing together a puzzle of things not intended to function together to make something work again, and it was not until the smoke had filled the room that she noticed the sound of fire from the hallway.

She grabbed her crutches and ran out of the room as quickly as her legs would allow her, the fire forcing her right. As she hobbled down the corridor in front of it she realised from the size and position of it that it must have started near one of the battery rooms adjoining her work area. She tried to remember what the fireproofing looked liked but none of her memories of the worn and cracked battery cladding did anything to alleviate the significant concern that if the fire made it to the batteries themselves the Ark could explode.

She started knocking on all doors, ensuring everyone was out. She tripped the first fire alarm she came across and the sirens blared above her. She came to an outside door and as it opened she realised how hot the corridor had been.

She called to those around and the others exiting the Ark who were turning to watch the fire raging within.

"BACK UP," she yelled, "Get everyone beyond the fence," she commanded, with perhaps a bit more panic in her voice than she had intended. She saw Sinclair and hobbled towards him as he approached.

"It's by the batteries sir," she explained.

Sinclair nodded and organised for everyone to get beyond the fence before turning back to Raven.

"The fire dampers?" he asked before answering his own question in time with Raven, "rely on decompression."

"Dammit," he added.

"I could make an airlock but I'm not sure if it would work on this scale," Raven replied.

Sinclair looked back at the inferno. "I can't ask you to do that Reyes."

"You're not," she confirmed, swallowing her fear as she stepped back toward the Ark. She could do this.

She selected a door to a section she knew had the proper wiring but was also far enough from centre of the fire to not be immediately dangerous.

'Unless it explodes,' she reminded herself in sarcastic darkness as she entered the Ark.

It was hotter in here than it had been been before, which was not a good sign. She tried to calm herself with the knowledge that, although worn, the batteries should have been insulated with a very thick fire-resistant alloy but she knew the insulation had not been maintained properly in the last century due to lack of materials and that one deep crack would give the fire a way in.

She sat herself on the floor by a display panel and hacked into the thermal imaging to track the progress of the fire. The image was grainy but she had an idea where the fire finished, realising that one of the doors she would have to use as an 'airlock' was not too far from her current position. She locked the doors and cut electricity, severing the wires to ensure the fire could not short circuit the command. She looked at the image again and saw the two bodies she had missed within the heat of the flames. They were moving slowly across the floor, one dragging the other.

"Shit," she cursed, grabbing the wires for the pressurisation system. If she could get this fire out she could still save them.

The vents were proving themselves resistant to her prodding and the sweat was impacting both her vision and her ability to manipulate the wires in front of her. She tried the scrubbers and while she could access them they seemed to have no impact on the vents themselves or the pressure valves. She started getting lightheaded but she pushed it away and focused her thoughts.

It was then that she heard the banging in the door to her left. She turned and saw Abby lying on her back, sweat drenched and covered in soot, Jackson's prone form beside her.

Her body went ice cold.

Abby's face lit up when Raven turned toward her, only to fall as she read the helplessness on Raven's face.

"I can't open the doors," Raven yelled, trying to get her voice to the chamber beyond, "I need to vent the chamber," she explained, hoping Abby could not tell the tears from the sweat.

Abby visibly swallowed, "What can I do?" she asked in between panting breaths, Raven lip-reading more than hearing her.

Raven shook her head helplessly before returning to the wirings and going back over everything bit by bit. The doors were sealed so the fire was not going to get any more oxygen unless it burned through the hull which was unlikely, but that also meant that Abby and Jackson would be out of oxygen long before the fire was safe. She crawled back to the door.

"Get oxygen," she instructed loudly, miming an oxygen mask, and Abby nodded before turning on her stomach and using her arms to pull her back toward the fire.

Raven returned to the wires again, trying to find the flaw in the system that would allow her to access the vents but try as she might she could not find anything. She knew that the lack of oxygen would kill it but it would kill Abby and Jackson first unless Abby was able to get o2. She needed to find some way of dampening it. She tapped into the engine coolant system and had a moment of jubilation when it responded to her controls. She knew most of it had been recycled in one form or another but there was a small amount left. She opened the refill valves, knowing they were not located too far from the origin of the fire, and initiated a cleaning, pushing the old coolant backwards into the refill pipes, and out into the hall, hoping it would make contact with the fire and have some affect. Alarms blared at her but she overrode them successfully, hoping against hope it would help.

She heard a noise beside her and saw Abby reappear, shaking her head when she saw she had Raven's attention. Raven's face fell as she turned back to the panel, her brain fighting to find some other solution, but there was nothing else she could do.

She moved to the door and sat herself on the other side of the glass, no longer caring that an explosion was most likely imminent.

"Get out of here," Abby mouthed, pointing to the door.

Raven shook her head as her eyes welled up.

Abby shook her head and tried to smile, but Raven could see the redness in her eyes as well.

"You need to live," Abby argued, gesturing as best she could in time to her words.

Raven shook her head stubbornly, "I'm really not going without you. No matter what you say.”

Abby's eyelids fell and she could see that the smoke was affecting her.

"Get lower down," Raven indicated, "You'll pass out but I will get you out," she mouthed slowly, hoping it was true.

Abby complied, lying down on the floor, facing the door. "Thank you," Abby mouthed, her eyes fluttering open.

"For what?" Raven asked, tears mingling with sweat and freely falling down her face.

"For being you," Abby replied slowly before half-heartedly smiling as her eyes fell shut again.

Raven bit her lip at the acknowledgement, the aching in her heart threatening to consume her. She took a deep breath and pushed it away. Abby was counting on her and she was not going to let her die. She needed something to open the door with when the fire went out. With a brief look at Abby's still form, she left the ship. Sinclair was still organising evacuation but paused when he saw her.

"Abby's in there. I need some volunteers to help me open the door manually when the fire is out," Sinclair looked at her for a moment, "I don't want them nearby, just ready when I give the signal."

"You're going back in," he replied but it was a statement, he could read the truth on her face.

She nodded.

"Just let us know when," he confirmed solemnly, holding her shoulder for a moment before moving on.

Raven nodded and limped her way back to the ship. She pulled up the heat display. The fire had definitely diminished around Abby but there was still a significant section of it burning by the battery and down the other end.

"Come on!" she muttered to herself in impatience.

The moments stretched before her as she alternately watched the screen and Abby's prostrate form, begging the fire to go out.

When the fire went out around the battery and had diminished where it still burned she signalled Sinclair and sure enough he and five others came with crowbars and pieces of metal.

It took the strength of all of them on three separate levers to pry the doors open but as soon as they had Raven made her way towards Abby. She was breathing but non-responsive and Raven watched

helplessly as the others pulled her and Jackson outside the doors. She dropped to her side as the others went to get medical aid. They returned with stretchers and Raven followed Abby's unconscious form to the med bay, sitting beside her and hoping against hope that it had not been too late.

* * *

Abby's eyes fluttered open to find Raven asleep in the chair beside her. She smiled in spite of herself before starting to cough uncontrollably.

Raven's form jumped at the sound, rubbing her eyes before realising that Abby was awake and coughing. She ran to get some water, handing it to Abby who took it gratefully. The water burned even as it cooled her throat and she started assessing herself before realising she had not been alone.

"Jackson," she uttered without preamble, her voice coming out as a scratchy half whisper.

"He's unconscious but alive," Raven told her, "now lie back down," she prompted, a sly smile on her face.

"Who died and made you Doctor?" she quipped, her voice aching with the attempt as she lie back down and allowed her eyes to fall closed.

"She didn't die," came Raven's soft response before sleep claimed her again.

* * *

Abby had been in bed for a week when Raven entered with two crutches under each arm.

"I thought you might be well enough for a walk," she suggested as she came up to Abby's bedside and divested herself of a set.

"That sounds amazing" Abby replied a bit too enthusiastically, anxious for anything that did not involve lying in this bed. She pulled off her covers and pushed herself to sitting, "Can you hand me my pants?" she asked pointing to the sweatpants beside her bed, feeling suddenly very self-conscious of Raven's eyes on her shorts.

Raven grabbed them for her and helped her put them on over her shorts, her eyes seeming to shift from the project at hand awkwardly.

"You've clearly never helped anyone get dressed," Abby pointed out laughing.

Raven blushed, "It's usually the undressing I'm a part of," she joked, turning an even darker colour.

Abby could feel her own skin colour at the thought of Raven removing her clothes but she pushed the thought away and pulled the long sleeve shirt by her pillow over her head to try to hide her discomfort.

"Shall we?" she asked when she was dressed.

Raven nodded, helping her get the crutches under her arms as she pushed herself off her bed.

* * *

It was slow going but she was starting to get the hang of it again, her stamina being more of a problem than her legs.

She followed Raven outside the camp as Raven explained the work being done to repair the damage done by the fire.

"...thankfully the batteries are okay but we've had to turn the electricity off the fence during the day to reduce the load until we can insulate and re-wire. I've already scavenged some shielding from the crashed exodus ship. At night we've set it to pulse around the camp instead of steady on. It's a risk but its oscillating fast enough that it should still fry anything attempting to get in..." She continued as Abby listened silently.

"Where are you taking us?" Abby asked after starting a rather significant incline for two women with crutches, her breath markedly laboured.

"You'll see," Raven replied, throwing a look over her shoulder at Abby.

It probably was not a long climb by normal standards but by the time Abby saw Raven pause ahead of her she was sweating.

She climbed up the last bit, fully intending on updating Raven on the proper idea of a leisurely stroll for those recovering from smoke inhalation, but her attention was absorbed by the spectacular view before her. Below them was a significant drop to a river which meandered into a mountain range and the most beautiful sunset Abby had ever seen. The deep red turned to burnished orange and spread along the horizon in yellows and pinks as far as the eye could see.

"You're drooling," Raven joked nudging her gently with her shoulder.

"It's sweat," Abby deadpanned, glaring at Raven before looking back at the sight before her, "This is beautiful.”

Raven, on the edge of her periphery, nodded.

"After I realised Finn wanted to be with Clarke I would wander the woods. I think part of me wanted to get caught by Grounders," Raven began and the wistful tone to her statements made Abby turn and face the woman beside her, but Raven did not move her eyes from the horizon. "As soon as I found this place I would come here often to just to think, to escape."

She shook her head as if clearing the vision away before turning to Abby with a smile, "It was worth a bit of sweat, right?"

Abby nodded, turning back to the view. The reds and orange had begun to absorb their lighter compatriots, leaving wedges of light sky buffered by deep colour, an ever changing canvas. Abby would never get over the beauty on the Earth.

"We should be getting back before it's dark," Abby said sombrely, expecting Raven to oppose her in some way.

"Okay," came the unexpected reply, "It's easier to get down this way," she added, leading Abby to the right of the trail they had just come up.

She followed carefully, a few steps behind Raven, the air suddenly feeling pregnant with loss.

"So," Abby began, searching for a topic to try and break this awkwardly comfortable silence, "How is Wick?" she asked. She had heard he and Raven were together and hoped that hearing more would help quash the feelings that still percolated within.

The look Raven shot back at her had a bitterness she had not expected, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, sorry... I heard you were together," Abby floundered in the wake of Raven's harsh rebuttal.

"We're not," she bit back succinctly, turning away and trudging through the woods a bit further ahead of Abby.

"Hey wait up," Abby called, trying to hurry her gait as Raven paused and turned to her.

"I didn't mean anything by it, I was just..."

"Just what Abby?" Raven asked pointedly and Abby swallowed under the intensity of Raven's gaze.

"Trying to be better... at being a friend," she hesitantly replied.

"You're not my mom," Raven replied and the anger was clear in her voice, "I know you miss her but I'm not Clarke and I'm not some charity case you have to look out for."

Abby stared, mouth agape, "That isn't.." she started to explain.

"Really?" Raven cut her off, anger flaming, "Because you seem to constantly distance yourself from me when it suits you and now, now that Clarke is gone and I save your life.. NOW you want to be 'friends'?" she finished, releasing her crutches for a moment to air-quote friends.

Abby could not meet Raven's eyes, how could she explain without admitting the truth? Her heart ached with the hurt she had caused, knowing the facts were true, just not the reasons.

The silence extended around them and Abby could feel Raven's anger dissipating to curiosity.

Abby bit her lower lip, desperately trying to find something to say that would be near the truth. She carefully raised her eyes. Raven's face was no longer clouded in anger but crinkled in confusion, her eyes narrowed.

"I do care about you...," she began and the admission felt like too much. Her heart sped up, and it was so loud in her ears she imagined Raven could hear it.

"You have a funny way of showing it," came Raven's immediate reply, void of all previous bitterness, as she turned from Abby and started back for the camp.

Abby exhaled, her eyes closing in relief as she followed her into the darkening shadows.

* * *

 


	5. Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini warning for Raven/Wick (obviously in context...)

Raven looked up as the clacking from the hallway became more pronounced, knowing it could only be either Harper or Abby. She turned back to her work as the sound approached, trying to look busy in case it was Abby, the possibility of Abby's presence making her heart hammer in her chest.

The last time she spoke to Abby was the night of their sunset walk. Kane had met them at the gate, worried about Abby's extended absence, and Raven offered a terse good night as she left Abby with Kane and made her way to her bunk. She could feel Abby's eyes on her as she walked away but she did not turn back.

The memory left a bitter taste in her mouth and fizzled in the pit of her stomach like acid - self-annoyance mixed with guilt, anger, and the ever-present confusion over where exactly she stood with Abby.

Since then she had thrown herself into the overhaul of the solar panel wiring. She told herself that it was the importance of the work that made her subsume her waking hours in small compartments and wiring ducts but she knew it was a distraction and, to some extent, a hiding place where Abby could not happen by without purposefully seeking Raven out.

Yet, if that sound was Abby, then she had purposefully sought her out.

She looked up at clanging that functioned as a knock, unsurprised to see Abby looking over at her but doing so with a caution she was not used to seeing on the Chancellor's face.

"I know you're busy with the refit but could you re-solder this for me?" she asked politely, indicating part of her left crutch that had come loose.

Raven hated the penitent tenor to Abby's voice, her own guilt coming back full force to add potency to the nerves caused by Abby's presence.

She nodded wordlessly, gesturing for Abby to take a seat on the bench beside her workstation as she took the offending crutch and examined it.

"You're right, it just needs a re-solder. I'll have it sorted in a moment," Raven acknowledged professionally before slowly bringing the crutch to the workbench unaided.

"Those braces seem to be working well," Abby commented, the question lingering as attempt at a conversation.

"Yep," Raven replied evenly, refusing to take the bait.

She fixed the offending piece without issue before bringing it back to Abby for inspection.

"That it?" she asked, purposely layering the question, her left eyebrow raised.

"No," Abby replied, taking a deep breath as she took the crutch from Raven's outstretched hands, "that was my opening," she added patting the seat beside her on the bench.

"A rather obvious one," Raven pointed out. Her stomach twisted at the sound of Abby's tone but she took a deep breath and sat beside her.

"Well it needed doing anyway," Abby chuckled awkwardly. "Listen, Raven," she segued uncomfortably, "I'm sorry about the other night. It was none of my business."

"This is about Wick?" Raven asked incredulously, flame burning in her belly, "I wasn't upset that you asked," she clarified, trying to keep her words even. She _had_ slept with Wick, during the heat and fear of their war against Mount Weather. She had hoped it would soothe something within her, make her whole somehow, but it had only made her feel more broken.

Abby cocked her head in confusion, "Then why were you upset I asked?" she countered, her questioning brown eyes locking with Raven's own.

Raven felt her heart jump into her throat, the question and Abby's intent gaze making her palms sweaty and her mouth dry. She looked down at her lap, watching her hands fiddle with the frayed edge of her top as she tried to figure out the answer to Abby's completely legitimate question.

"Raven what is it?" Abby asked, worry evident in her voice as she moved her right crutch to her left side and inched towards Raven, taking her hand.

Raven felt the warmth of Abby's side against hers as Abby took her left hand. And in that touch Raven felt the tingles she long associated with Abby and a warmth overlaying the nerves in her stomach - both comforting and frightening. She looked up and caught Abby's eyes, concern painted in them and a hint of something she could not quite discern masked beneath. Her eyes fell to Abby's lips and the feeling of Abby's presence magnified, covering her skin with pinpricks of sensation. Her breath caught in that moment as she recognised the want within her. The anger, annoyance, frustration as well as the warmth, comfort and camaraderie between them was all connected to this need pulsing through her with every heart beat.

Lips parted of their own accord and she licked them reflexively, feeling Abby's breath hot against them. She looked up at Abby's eyes again to find them skittering from her own lips and her heart began to race in her chest, her head reeling at the seemingly unfathomable want she now recognised in the older woman's gaze. Her eyes fell to their hands, desperately avoiding eye contact, as she tried to absorb the intensity of these feelings rushing to the fore.

"Because it hurt that you would be okay with that," Raven finally acknowledged softly before hesitantly raising her eyes.

Raven saw Abby's expression melt in a mixture of sadness and desire before her eyes fell to Abby's lips once more and in that moment all the complicated emotions of the last few months became simple. Suddenly she did not want to hear Abby's response, she did not want anything to complicate this incredibly simple thing.

* * *

Abby's world ran in slow motion as she saw Raven's lips leaning toward her own. She froze, the long-held desire to feel those lips fighting the logic that this was only opening them both up to future pain. Raven stopped just shy of her lips, waiting, but Abby just sat with lips parted, barely able to breathe.

She watched as Raven's half-lidded gaze widened and locked with her own.

"Abby," Raven intoned softly and Abby could feel it even in the way Raven said her name, that intangible something that made her want to give in to the pull she was feeling in every pore, "I'm going to kiss you now."

Abby heard her swallow, could feel Raven's nerves as easily as the rapid beating of her own heart but she remained frozen between giving in and running away.

Raven's free hand gently cupped her cheek and she leaned into it, taking comfort in the warmth, the distraction, her lips brushing the palm of Raven's hand without a thought.

Raven used that hand to guide Abby's face to her own and their lips met, the gentle pressure giving way to the taste of her as Abby felt her body electrified with want.

Abby pulled away from Raven's touch, trying to regain control of her body as her breath came in uneven gasps. She looked into Raven's eyes and saw the arousal within them, scared to have caused that even as the thought shot white heat to her core.

"Abby, it's okay," Raven affirmed, reaching out to her cheek once again.

Abby shook her head, backing away from Raven's touch, "I wish it were," she intoned.

"What do you mean?" Raven asked and Abby could hear pain as the words caught in her throat.

Abby sat up straight and swallowed before taking a deep breath, trying to ease the hammering in her chest and force herself to focus on what needed to be done to save them both future pain.

"I can't, Raven. I just can't," she stammered, shaking her head with finality as she grabbed her crutches and exited without another word.

* * *

Raven made her way through the camp in a storm of emotions - anger, hurt and betrayal - all intensified by how uncontrollably turned on she was. She needed to feel, to hurt. She found Wick in the battery compartment reviewing cladding designs. He looked up when she shut the door behind her, reading the expression on her face before standing.

"What is it?" he asked, laying aside the designs he was reviewing as Raven came at him, running her fingers in his hair and claiming his lips.

Wick broke away, "Whoa, whoa, what is going on?"

"I need this Wick so either you fuck me or I'll find someone who will," she uttered without hesitation.

"Raven," Wick said calmly, "You don't mean that."

"You wanna bet?" Raven asked, turning and making for the door.

"Alright," Wick sighed resignedly, fear at Raven's actions creeping into his voice. She could see it in his eyes, the concern mixed with the lust. He truly cared for her and was probably trying to keep her safe but Raven did not care about anything but alleviating this ache within her.

She turned back and pinned him to the wall, unzipping his pants before pulling off her shirt and bra and pulling down her pants. Wick hardened with little aid and Raven pushed him to the floor before guiding him inside her.

"Shit Raven, you're wet," Wick exclaimed but Raven only covered his mouth with a forceful kiss before riding him harder.

* * *

She left Wick half naked in the battery room, libido eased but feeling worse for her actions. She went back to her bunk and sat on her bed, face in her hands, wondering where her self-respect had gone. Wick deserved better. Even Abby, as angry as she still was at her, did not deserve this.

Raven grabbed her backpack and started to pull together her essentials. She could not stay here with her anger and her guilt.

She wrote Abby a note, asking Bellamy to give it to her in a few days.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Out there," came Raven's reply as she walked past him and to the door.

Once beyond the tree line she ran, not because she was worried about being followed or because she had somewhere to go but because the physical exertion felt _good_. With her double braces and her injuries it was more like limping at speed but Raven did not care, she relished the force of the air being pushed from her lungs as she gasped for breath and pushed herself harder.

She felt the dirt in her face before the pain in her knee and realised she had tripped. She slid her bag off her back, rolling over as the offending root mocked her. She lay there for a moment, getting her breath back, and stared at the foliage above her, listening to the birds. She would never get used to or sick of this place. It felt both foreign and familiar, as if some ancestral memory lived within her finally relieved to be breathing the air of the ground. She rolled back over and got up, the pain in her left knee reminding her be careful as she grabbed her sack and continued on.

* *

Abby had barely been sleeping. It had been four days since Raven kissed her and two days since she received Raven's note. She had read and re-read it so often she knew the text by heart:

_Abby,_

_I slept with Wick (again) after you left the other day. I'm not telling you to hurt you, I'm telling you because that kiss meant something to me, you mean something to me, and what I did was a betrayal of that._

_I'm going to leave for a while, until I can face what I did, until I can face you again._

_Don't go getting trapped in any fires while I'm gone._

_Raven_

Abby rolled the flimsy up again before tying it shut. She had considered sending guards after her, but she was trying not to preside over a police state and even if she had forced her back what would she say to her? Abby's best hope was for both of them to move on. Raven was strong, she would be okay. And yet the thought did little to ease the worry that plagued her.

There was a knock from outside her bunk and she hid the flimsy under her bed before replying "Come in."

Abby looked up to see Kane enter, only to pause when he saw the look on her face.

"What is it?" he asked without prelude, the concern evident in his voice.

Abby shook her head as her visage cracked. She turned away from him but Kane came forward, putting a light hand on her back and gently rubbing it an attempt to comfort her.

"Clarke will be fine. She's strong," he consoled.

Abby nodded, wiping the solitary tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye before turning back.

"Clarke," she muttered, nodding again.

Kane looked at her oddly for a moment and she hoped he had not read her momentary confusion at his assumption, "She'll come back," he added.

Abby only nodded.

Kane took a step back, allowing Abby her personal space.

"I came to see if you wanted to get dinner together," he asked, "We have some Boar left over from yesterday," he added enticingly.

Abby forced a smile, "Sounds good," she replied.

Kane offered his arm and Abby linked hers, allowing him to lead her from her bunk.

* *

Raven spent her first night in the bunker Clarke had once shown her, a dark red stain haunting the far end of it. She wondered where Clarke was and if she ever used this place but she left without seeing her, heading deeper into the woods. After hours of walking, including wading through a river, she came to the base of Mount Weather. The memories of them drilling into her, into Abby, flashed before her but she swallowed them and made for the entrance she knew was close. It would be somewhere to bunk until she made a more permanent construction.

She found the quarantine beds, knowing to avoid level 5 at all costs, and entered one of the rooms. She shivered at the whiteness - the sheer clinical cleanliness was overwhelming. She took out one of the few tools she brought with her and unscrewed the bed from the floor, dragging it into the hallway. It was less protected but at least she would have an escape and a shade of grey surrounding her. She slept fitfully, unused to the silence of layers of rock and corpses between her and the next living being.

The next day she got up early and investigated, finding the backup food supply and some medical supplies. She took some of each and stockpiled it in a third place, taking a small amount of rations for the day, before heading out.

The sound of birds comforted her as soon as she hit the outside and she wondered why she had ever thought that Mount Weather was a good idea.

She started hunting for a rock outcropping or some other natural formation that she could use for the beginnings of her new shelter. She was just about to cross a small stream when she saw a rabbit by the edge. She crouched down, watching it in awe, comforted by the peace surrounding her.

The rabbit went down without a word and Raven saw the arrow sticking out of it's heart, the blood stain spreading. Her heart raced, wondering what the grounders would do if they found her. She crouched down further and watched. But instead of grounders coming out of the trees to collect the kill she watched a solitary blonde figure descend. The woman looked up and Raven recognised her.

She stood up, "Clarke!" she yelled, a smile plastered on her face.

Clarke looked confused for a moment before recognition dawned.

As Raven came towards her she stepped back, "Did my mom send you?" she asked cautiously.

"Abby?" Raven replied, the name making her heart ache as she forced herself to smiled harder, "No, I left on my own," Raven confirmed.

Clarke's face lit up, "Oh, where have you been staying?"

"Umm... Actually I'm trying to figure that out. I stayed last night in Mount Weather, never again," she replied.

Clarke's face froze for a moment as she processed the mention of Mount Weather, her eyes holding a deep hurt. The moment passed and Clarke focused on Raven again.

"I'm this way," she gestured, picking up the rabbit by the feet and motioning for Raven to follow her.

* * *

"How's my mom?" Clarke asked that evening while taking the rabbit off the fire, checking to see if it was cooked before handing a skewered piece to Raven.

Raven paused for a moment before taking the offered skewer, trying not to remember Abby's face millimetres from her own. She took a bite to hide her discomfort, coughing on the piece of meat as she had forgotten to breathe before taking a bite.

"She's good," Raven answered with a forced casualness once her coughing had died down.

Clarke eyed her suspiciously for a moment.

"She's still on crutches but getting stronger," Raven continued, trying to get Clarke's mind off her initial hesitation, "She misses you though."

Clarke averted her eyes, staring at the meat in her hand.

"I can't go back," she answered sadly, "at least not yet," she added looking up.

Raven nodded, "I know," she agreed.

An awkward silence descended as both women ate their meal pensively.

"So you never said why you left," Clarke offered, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Just needed some space," Raven replied, trying to keep her eyes on Clarke's face, hoping she could not read the pain behind it.

Clarke looked at her for a moment before replying.

"Umm... okay," Clarke replied, "You sure that's it?"

"Yep," Raven replied evenly, a faint touch of anger bleeding through as she forced herself to focus on the fire. She took a bite of her dinner in an effort to hide her discomfort.

"Well now I know you're lying," Clarke replied, eyebrow raised knowingly, "Something happen with you and Wick?"

Raven's eyes snapped to Clarke's face at the mention of Wick's name.

"I'll take that as a yes," Clarke acknowledged with a low chuckle, taking another bite of her food.

"... it's not like that," Raven tried to defend, guilt fuelling her anger, "Can we not?" she asked, her voice pitching lower in annoyance.

"He clearly cares for you," Clarke answered almost offhandedly, "The way he carried you after..." she hesitated, "After you got hurt," she amended, "You could see it in his eyes."

"Clarke, stop," Raven commanded evenly but Clarke only stared at her with a smug smile.

Raven sighed in frustration, "Yes, I fucked Wick, twice as a matter of fact, and yes, he wanted something that I didn't.... can we let it drop now?" she asked infuriated.

Clarke watched her friend with a furrowed brow, "And?"

"And what?" Raven asked, her voice laced with annoyance as the nerves in her stomach tied in knots.

"There's more," Clarke replied, "That isn't why you're here."

"Really? And how would you know?" Raven bit back.

"If that was it you wouldn't still be protecting yourself and snapping at me," Clarke noted.

Raven was silent, desperately trying to think of something _else_ that would satisfy her. But Clarke was already too close to the truth.

"So what is it?" Clarke prodded calmly before taking her final bite of rabbit.

Raven's smile bordered on maniacal, "You really want to know?" she relented chuckling low to herself, the skewer in her hand backlit by the flames.

Clarke nodded as she chewed.

"I got Wick to fuck me because I kissed your mom," Raven relayed, eyes boring into Clarke as she watched her friend stopped chewing. Shock spread across Clarke's face as the statement sunk in and Raven turned from her to gaze into the fire. “She kissed me back,” she added pensively, trying to keep the fresh pain from her voice, “then she ran away.”

She looked over at Clarke whose face was still frozen in bewilderment.

“I know that doesn't justify screwing Wick but at the time I thought I needed it,” Raven continued as if to alleviate her own guilt, watching Clarke for some response.

Clarke forcibly swallowed the piece of meat in her mouth before responding.

“Well eww,” came Clarke's response, and Raven could hear the half truth/half jest in her tone.

She let out a humourless laugh, her eyes finding the dirt beneath her feet for a moment before looking at Clarke.

“That is going to take me a bit to get used to,” Clarke replied, evading Raven's eyes as she put down her skewer and stood to tend the fire.

Raven stared past her friend into the fire, the tension within her diffusing, “You and me both,” she answered softly more to herself than Clarke, her heart aching with the reminder of the want in Abby's eyes before she walked away.

"See?," she heard Clarke utter and Raven snapped to the present and met her eyes, "Now you've told me," she pointed out.

Raven nodded, “yea,” she answered distractedly before forcing herself to take another bite of her dinner.

* * *

Abby turned to say goodbye to Kane. They had fallen into a routine these past few weeks, dinner and a walk before he escorted her back to her bunk. She took a step towards her bunk but Kane took her hand.

"Abby," he uttered softly, more a question than a statement.

Abby turned to see Kane's eyes on her hand before looking up at her. He hesitated and Abby felt the tension around them. This was it then, this was the declaration she had hoped would never come. Sure she cared about Kane, they had become friends, closer even during these last few weeks, but she always thought it might be more than that for him.

"...I care about you," Kane began.

Abby tried to interrupt but Kane held his hand up, "let me finish," he asked calmly.

Abby closed her mouth.

"..and as much as I have enjoyed spending these last few weeks with you I also see that you are fighting with something..."

Abby shifted her weight, trying not to show how her heartbeat had increased with his words.

"..Clarke.." she mouthed without remembering she was supposed to be quiet.

Kane shook his head, "That is what I thought too at first but you weren't like this in the beginning, it's only been these last few weeks...." he paused, meeting her eyes purposefully, "It's only since Raven left..." he let the statement hang in the air for a moment before continuing.

Abby swallowed and she pulled her eyes from Kane's, tears rising unbidden as she tried to force them away.

"And I can tell by the way you talk about her how much she means to you. What happened between the two of you?" Kane asked sympathetically.

Abby forced herself to breathe, knowing that her automatic responses had already confirmed his assertion, try as she might she could not come up with a legitimate excuse for her behaviour.

She exhaled, pulling Kane aside to a bench not far from her bunk. He followed her, releasing her hand and sitting beside her.

Abby opened her mouth to speak before closing it again, unsure what to say or how to start.

"I think....," she hesitated, looking up at Kane before her gaze fell back to her hands in her lap, "I can't even say it," she chided herself.

"You have feelings for her," Kane surmised, trying to fill in the blanks Abby was struggling with.

She nodded, glancing up at Kane's face.

"Why did she leave Abby?" he asked patiently.

Abby was silent for a long moment her gaze moving from her hands to Kane's face and back again.

"She kissed me. I.... didn't handle it well," she finally admitted, holding back the tears threatening to choke her.

Kane was silent for a moment, eyes furrowed.

Abby opened her mouth, trying to save face, "I know she's my daughter's age and I never should have allowed it to get that far but.."

Kane cut her off, "Does she make you happy?” he asked pointedly.

Abby was taken aback.

"She clearly cares for you too," he reminded her.

"...but?" Abby tried to protest, to justify why she had been avoiding her but it all seemed so nonsensical, as if the acceptance of another person invalidated her reservations.

"Finding someone is hard enough Abby, don't deprive yourself," Kane commented, "You deserve to be happy."

With that he stood abruptly.

"Good night Abby," he declared with a slight smile before walking back into the camp.

Abby watched him go, her stomach in knots as she tried to understand what had just happened. With five words he had taken away the shield she had not realised she was hiding behind. Without that protection she felt the full onslaught of what she had done. The tears she had successfully held back in Kane's presence burned hot on her cheeks as the pit in her stomach grew into an ache. She forced herself up and into her bunk before the cry welling in her chest broke forth and it felt like relief, letting it go, as the cry was followed by another.

* * *


	6. Friction

"Hello?" Clarke asked, waving her hand in front of Raven's face.

Raven's eyes snapped to Clarke's face.

"You were staring off into space again," Clarke pointed out with a hint of annoyance.

"Sorry," Raven apologised, looking down at the bow in her hand, "What did you say?"

"I was telling to focus on your breathing and stop thinking of my mom," Clarke answered, teasingly exasperated.

Raven blushed.

"And you actually were," Clarke deadpanned, "I was kidding." She went to a nearby log and sat down.

"I'm sorry," Raven apologised, sitting beside her, "Is it weird?"

"Uh, yea," Clarke replied, her eyebrows raised in emphasis.

Raven looked away but Clarke bumped their shoulders playfully, "I'll get over it eventually," she added with a smile.

Raven felt her lips crack into a smile as she watched Clarke turn to look down at their feet.

"What did she say? Before she left you?" Clarke asked guardedly, “you know, after you kissed her,” she clarified awkwardly before glancing up at Raven.

Raven sighed, "She told me she couldn't," she answered before meeting Clarke's eyes.

"She couldn't," Clarke repeated thoughtfully, "Not 'no'," she pointed out.

"It doesn't matter," Raven replied, standing and holding the bow up as if she had an arrow, eyeing the line like Clarke taught her.

"It does," Clarke argued softly, "I just don't know how to fix it yet."

Raven looked over her shoulder at Clarke, "You don't have to fix everything. Except how crap I am at this - come over here and bring me an arrow," she challenged, successfully changing the subject.

Clarke nodded and got up, grabbing the quiver from the ground between them.

* * *

Clarke had been gone for a couple of hours when Raven heard gunfire. She grabbed the bow and quiver and holstered the knife she had been using, running out the door towards the sound.

Her legs had grown stronger and she manoeuvred through the underbrush without much trouble, stopping when she saw the man standing over Clarke with a rifle. Clarke was bleeding from her stomach and the man was speaking to her. Raven crouched closer until she could hear what he was saying.

"...my son is dead because of you, my wife and my sister are dead because of you."

He pointed the rifle at Clarke's head and Raven watched her close her eyes.

"I deserve this," Clarke agreed, "Shoot me."

Raven knocked her bow, aimed, took a breath and released. She missed by a wide margin but the man saw the arrow and panicked, looking around for the Grounders he imagined were in the trees. She ran out from her hiding place as soon as he turned his back, stabbing his shoulder and knocking the rifle from his grip. She picked up the rifle and pointed it at him.

"Not today. Get out of here," she commanded, gesturing for him to leave.

He glared at her but turned, holding his bleeding arm as he left the clearing.

"Raven," Clarke mouthed breathily as her eyes fluttered closed. It was only then that Raven saw the amount of blood Clarke had lost.

She slung the rifle and the bow over one shoulder, leaning over Clarke and feeling her back, the bullet had gone through. She pulled Clarke up and struggled with her weight, trying to figure out how best to carry her before slinging her over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. It probably was not the best way to transport her but Raven knew that if she did not get her to Abby she would be dead by morning. She grunted at the full weight of Clarke's body, her legs protesting as her old pains resurfaced, but she pushed herself to move, one step and then the next. She had to do this, Clarke had no other options.

* * *

Abby was woken in the night by Jackson.

"Abby wake up. We have Clarke. She's bleeding," he informed her evenly, Abby hearing the panic behind the doctor's calm.

She jumped out of bed, her heart beating out of her chest as she threw a long coat over her pajamas and ran to medical as quickly as her healing legs and lungs would allow.

As she entered she saw her daughter on the table, pale. Her shirt had been cut to expose the wound in her stomach.

"What happened?" Abby called as she washed her hands and found the necessary tools.

"She got shot," came a familiar voice from the corner, "One of the mountain men who had the treatment..."

Abby looked up and saw Raven, her shoulder and chest covered in blood.

Their eyes met and Abby could read the worry in Raven's eyes, "Please tell me I'm not too late," she begged.

Abby shook her head and she turned to her daughter.

* * *

Raven left the tent and tried to clean herself up as best she could, returning to sit outside and wait for the outcome.

It had been a couple of months since she was last here but the camp felt the same. She realised with surprise that it felt like home. She had not really felt at home anywhere since the Ark.

She heard a rustling at the door and Abby came out, sitting beside her without looking at her.

"She'll make it," she stated simply, her voice breaking. She turned to Raven, "Thank you. I can't bear to think what would've happened if you hadn't been there."

Raven's heart swelled in the light of the good news and the joy on Abby's face, but the pain was still there, aching beneath the happiness.

"Just glad I made it in time," Raven replied, her eyes watering as her mouth crooked into a smile.

Jackson popped his head out, "Abby, we're ready for you," he informed before going back into medical.

"Ready for what?" Raven asked.

"Blood transfusion. Clarke lost a lot. Mine is the most suitable," Abby replied in staccato sentences, squeezing Raven's knee gently as she stood and went back inside.

Raven felt the touch suffuse her body with warmth but tried not to make it mean more than it did, a friendly gesture. Abby had made it clear they could be nothing else.

She stood up and made for the mess hall. If Abby was giving blood she would need food. Even if there could be nothing else between them she still cared and she knew Abby well enough to know that the doctor would not think to take care of herself while Clarke was still in trouble.

Raven returned half an hour later with a sandwich and a flask of water. She entered medical cautiously but it was empty save for Abby and Clarke, linked from right arm to left by a tube filled with blood. Abby was sitting next to Clarke watching her breathing but as Raven entered she turned.

"If you're giving her blood you'll need this," Raven asserted, passing Abby the sandwich she had made, ensuring their hands did not touch. She handed her the flask next, "It's water," she explained before backing up and taking a seat closer to the door.

"Thank you," Abby stated gratefully, putting the plate on her lap and using her left hand to bring it to her mouth.

After chewing her first bite she looked up at Raven.

"You look like you could use some too, you want half?" Abby offered, holding the sandwich out to her.

"I grabbed something already," she lied.

Abby nodded and took another bite.

They sat in awkward silence as Abby finished her sandwich and drank some of the water, Raven's attention on Clarke's still form. She was breathing but still quite pale.

"Raven?," Abby voiced, snapping the other woman out of her reverie.

"Yea?" Raven replied, giving Abby her attention and trying not to focus on the nerves in her stomach at the sound of her voice.

"...I wanted to apologise," Abby began.

Raven opened her mouth but Abby held her hand up, "No, please," she asked, closing her eyes briefly, "let me get through this."

Raven closed her mouth as the feeling in her stomach intensified.

"I was... _I am._..scared," Abby admitted, before looking up at Raven, "but I was making it about what other people thought and not about what I thought."

"And what do you think?" Raven asked, her voice shaking at Abby's admission, at the possibility held within it.

Abby took a deep breath and exhaled, "I think I care about you," she admitted cautiously.

Raven nodded, trying to keep her breath even.

"I don't want to hear any of that sappy stuff," Clarke's croaky voice interjected.

Abby jumped out of her chair, nearly pulling the cannula out from her arm as she stood over her daughter, face blushing bright red as she took her hand.

Raven chuckled in spite of herself, standing up to see Clarke as Abby looked over at her questioningly.

"She knows," Raven told her with a half smile before turning her attention to Clarke, "good to see you."

Abby looked back at Clarke, "How you feeling honey?" she asked, her blush fading slowly to make way for the tears gathering at the edge of her eyes at her daughter being here and conscious.

"Awesome," Clarke replied, groaning as she tried to sit up.

"Stay still," Abby chided, "you lost a lot of blood."

It was then Clarke noticed the cannula in her arm and the matching one in her mother's.

"Gotcha," she replied as she lay back down and closed her eyes.

"I'll leave you two," Raven murmured, excusing herself, "Glad you're okay Clarke."

"Thanks for saving my ass Raven," Clarke replied, eyes still closed.

"You're welcome," she replied with a smile. She turned to Abby, "See you," she voiced awkwardly.

"See you," Abby replied, a small smile playing across her lips, "Thanks again for the food."

Raven nodded and exited.

As Raven walked out the nervousness she felt inside the med bay exploded into a lightness. She felt childish but Abby cared and try as she might she could not wipe the ridiculous grin off her face.

* * *

Abby awoke to find her head on Clarke's bed, hand still holding a compress against the cannula spot.

"Oh good you're up," Jackson noted, "I didn't want to wake you but you should really get some sleep in your own bed, you gave a lot of blood last night."

Abby looked at Clarke, she was asleep but some of the colour had definitely returned. She nodded at Jackson and got up, swaying a little on her feet as she waited for the lightheadedness to pass.

"Whoa," Jackson uttered, rushing to her aid and holding Abby's arm until she had her bearings back, "Let me help you home."

"Thank you Jackson, but I'm fine," she asserted emphatically, meeting his eyes before pulling away and heading towards the door.

"Take it slowly," he cautioned and Abby could feel his eyes on her as she left, waiting to come to her aid.

She smiled in spite of herself before turning in the doorway, holding the beam for support in attempted nonchalance, "Anything changes let me know," she instructed, watching Jackson nod before she turned back and left Medical.

As she made her way back to her bunk not even the bright mid-morning sun could ease the edge to the physical and emotional exhaustion wracking her body. Seeing Clarke again and having to save her, in addition to Raven's return and her own tentative admission, all vied for their place in her anxieties as her body struggled to keep her upright in the face of her blood loss.

She slowed at the bunk Raven used to inhabit, wondering if she was back there. Her stomach fluttered at the thought of her but she knew she needed to recover before she could face the younger woman again. The thought made her dizzy again and she leaned against the wall, lowering herself to the ground as the world swam before her.

When she opened her eyes a moment later she was looking at the ceiling above her bed.

"Hey, you're awake," came a familiar voice by her bed. She turned to see Raven sitting in a chair beside, but not too close to, her bed.

"How did I get here?" Abby asked sitting up carefully, the remnants of a headache still pounding behind her eyes.

"Jackson came to check on you and found you passed out in the corridor outside my door, I caught him as he was bringing you to yours and opened doors for him," Raven explained, "He's recovered well," she noted offhandedly.

"Thanks to you," Abby affirmed meeting Raven's eyes purposefully. She had forgotten what Raven's gaze felt like when they were alone, how the focused intensity of it made her feel like the world around them had stopped.

Raven took a breath, shifted her eyes away and stood.

Abby cocked her head at the retreating form, standing up carefully and putting a light hand on Raven's arm, looking at her quizzically when the younger woman turned to face her.

"What's wrong?" Abby asked softly.

Raven dropped her eyes and bit her lower lip before looking at Abby again, eyes wide with a hint of sadness.

"I don't know how to _be_ around you anymore," she replied softly.

Abby smiled compassionately, "I've been having that problem for some time now," she confessed as her lips curved in a half smile.

Her hand was still perched awkwardly on Raven's arm but she did not want to lose the simple contact, warm and addictive, and she let it fall along Raven's arm until she was holding her hand, stretching out their arms until she was able to lean against the bed, not yet trusting her ability to stay upright.

“Really?” Raven asked, one eyebrow raised as Abby nodded. Raven narrowed her eyes, “How long?” she inquired with her usual hint of challenge as she took a tentative step towards Abby, decreasing the pull on their arms.

Abby's heart beat harder in her chest, Raven's proximity and gaze making her admission all the more intense.

"Since the night I slapped you for helping Clarke," She admitted, lips pressed together as she kept her eyes on her left hand, linked with Raven's right and held between them.

"Wow," Raven replied, her gaze following Abby's as she interlinked their fingers.

Abby looked up at Raven's face but Raven was watching their hands intently, lacing and unlacing their fingers. The sensation was traveling up her arm and making her even more aware of how close they were. She stood up straight as Raven looked up, their eyes locking as her heart hammered in her ear.

Abby held up her free hand and brushed away a stray hair, tucking it behind Raven's ear before pulling her hand back as casually as she could manage. It had been an unexpected gesture but felt right in the way things had always just felt _right_ with Raven before she had started recognising and worrying.

"Don't worry," she almost whispered, eyes dancing between Raven's before falling to her lips, "Just be," she offered, more to herself than to Raven.

Raven bit her lower lip in response to Abby's gaze, her breathing shallow as Abby watched the desire in her eyes. Abby leaned in slowly, eyes flicking between Raven's eyes and her lips, overwhelmed by her own need. Her eyes fluttered closed and she felt the loss of Raven's hand in hers moments before she felt them on her neck, pulling them together as their lips met.

Desire flared within her and she returned the kiss thirstily, desperate for contact as Raven's tongue slid past her lips.

* * *

Raven could feel her body heating up as Abby's gaze made her _feel_ faster and more acutely. Her experiences with Wick and Bellamy had been purely physical, while her relationship with Finn had been built on the comfort of their status quo. Her want for Abby was uncomfortable, scary and heightened by the emotional connection she had long felt but hardly understood. She saw it in Abby's eyes too, a slice of fear mixed in her desire, but she was not hiding it this time and Raven's breath grew shallow at the force of it.

She watched Abby's gaze move from her eyes to her lips and back again as she leaned towards her with a slowness that was almost painful. Raven could feel Abby's tenuousness, watching her eyes as fear and worry duelled with desire as she grew closer by moments, Raven's own want escalating with her proximity. She saw Abby's eyes flutter closed, her breath ghosting across Raven's lips and her want overrode her patience. She pulled her hand from Abby's and took a hold of her face, fingers lightly trailing the back of her neck, thumbs stroking her cheek as she pulled their lips together.

The feel of Abby's skin against her hands sent electricity up her arm as their lips met, Abby's lips soft against hers, tentative for a brief moment before they grew forceful. Raven's fingers tangled in hair as she brushed Abby's lips with her tongue, the taste of her sending waves of heat to her core as Abby's mouth opened to the exploration.

Abby's hands had found their way to the edge of Raven's pants and she felt fingers hook beneath the waistband, pulling her closer. The press of Abby's body against hers left her breathless and she broke the kiss, meeting Abby's eyes. Abby's slightly mussed hair only added to the look of intense want radiating from her eyes, the look itself melting Raven from the inside as she strove to maintain the stability of her legs.

* * *

Abby saw Raven falter, her breath coming in short gasps as she stared at Abby with a desire that shot straight to the building heat between her legs. She leaned back against the bed, pulling Raven closer as she braced Raven's bad leg with her own. The kiss was slower this time, methodical, as Abby explored her mouth with a patient thoroughness that elicited a soft moan from the younger woman. Raven broke the kiss, leaning in to trail lips across Abby's neck and under her ear, nipping lightly every so often in a way that made Abby bite her lip, her body electric.

They heard the voice before the swish of the doors and broke apart as Jackson entered, his eyes flickering from one woman to the next.

"...ahh.. Just checking to see if you were up. Clarke just finished lunch and I thought you might want to eat something.." he informed her, clearly uncomfortable.

A smile broke across Abby's face at Jackson's discomfort but she tried to hide it.

"Thank you Jackson, I'll be right there," she replied, maintaining eye contact as he nodded and left hurriedly.

She turned to Raven whose eyes were wide, the desire giving way to a fear that struck Abby's heart.

"It's okay," she assured the mechanic, giving her hand a squeeze and leaning in to give her a reassuring kiss before looking her in the eyes, "but I should check on Clarke," she added softly, ensuring Raven's recognition before pulling away and standing, "and we should both eat something. Meet you at the Mess?"

Raven smiled not entirely convincingly but nodded and although Abby wanted nothing more than to stay with her, to wipe away the worry clearly plaguing the younger woman, she knew there was no quick fix. If she was capable of easing the pain she and others had caused it would only be in time. Panic stirred in her chest for a moment as she worried about hurting her more, but she had already hurt them both enough - she needed to let this be and see where it led them.

* * *

Raven watched Abby leave the bunk, her head trying to question everything that had just happened. But it was different this time, she could tell even without Abby's reassurance, and yet her thoughts tried to second guess themselves even as her soul wanted to soar with the memory of her touch.

* * *


	7. Freefall

Abby entered Medical, heading over to the side of Clarke's bed and putting her fingers to her daughter's wrist to check her pulse, "How you feeling honey?" she asked.

Clarke surveyed her mother curiously as Abby avoided her gaze, "What happened?," she asked before adding, "Something is different."

Abby felt like a school girl as she felt her cheeks redden at the suggestion.

"Well now I _know_ something is up," Clarke announced as she tried to sit further up in bed.

Abby looked back up at her daughter, her face composed even as her eyes danced with it.

Clarke raised her eyebrows, unconvinced.

"You spoken to Raven?" Clarke asked, feigning casual inquiry.

Abby saw the trap but felt her cheeks redden anyway as she flickered from Clarke's gaze for a moment before composing her face once more.

"HA!," Clarke affirmed, wincing as her exuberance pulled at her wound.

"Careful!" Abby chided, before pulling up Clarke's shirt to check her wound. The stitches were holding.

She replaced Clarke's shirt and cleared her throat as she looked up again.

"Admit it," Clarke pushed, pausing for a moment before adding, "I had to listen to her mooning over you for months, least you could do is tell me you two are okay."

A smile spread across Abby's face unbidden at the thought of Raven 'mooing over' her but she pulled her eyes away from her daughter's, still not wanting to acknowledge this thing that was still so new and fragile. She nodded slowly, "We're okay," she acknowledged, raising her eyes and seeing only acceptance in Clarke's gaze.

"Good," Clarke replied, settling back in her bed. Abby grinned again, her heart bursting with love at her daughter's understanding.

The teasing in Clarke's face subsided and her expression grew serious, "Try not to hurt her," she added genuinely, and Abby could read the guilt over Finn in her eyes.

"I'll do my best," she responded with a gravity she hoped was fitting before kissing Clarke on the forehead. "I'm going to go have lunch. Get some rest and I'll come back to check on you later," she added.

"Okay," Clarke affirmed and Abby squeezed her hand before releasing it, turning and exiting Medical.

* * *

Raven was already seated at one of the benches when Abby came into view. She tensed visibly when she saw her but Abby smiled at her, Raven sending a cautious smile back. As Abby turned to pick up some food Raven looked around to see if anyone had observed their exchange. The mess was an outside space surrounding the food storage sheds so while few people were eating some of the wider camp was in easy view. And yet as Raven looked around it did not seem like anyone was paying attention to her or the Chancellor.

Abby came over and put her tray beside Raven's and Raven instinctively moved over to give her more space.

She felt Abby's hand on her own and looked up to see her concerned stare.

"I'm done hiding," she stated softly, releasing Raven's hand to brush a stray hair from her face.

Raven felt the words more intensely than the touch, a reminder of how much they had both struggled to get here.

"Going to take some getting used to," Raven replied, shifting back.

"For both of us," Abby agreed before facing forward and beginning to eat.

Raven returned to her meal, Abby's proximity causing a comfortable high that kept a smile plastered to her face.

"How's Clarke?" she asked, carefully glancing beside her.

"Better," Abby responded, looking up briefly before returning to her meal, "She's bordering on stir-crazy though so I doubt I'll keep her there for more than another day."

Raven chuckled, "..like mother, like daughter," she teased.

Abby looked at her in mock-offence before acquiescing, "I really am a hypocrite aren't I?"

She was trying to joke but Raven could hear the sincerity in her voice, she edged closer and put her hand on Abby's thigh, "You're not a hypocrite, you're a good mother," she assured her, "Clarke is lucky to have you."

Abby nodded half-heartedly and turned back to her food. Raven pulled her hand away and returned to her meal, wondering what she could do to heal the rift between the Griffin women. Clarke blamed herself for too many deaths, from Finn to those on Mount Weather, while Abby blamed herself for not being able to protect her.

Raven was so lost in thought that she did not see Kane until he sat opposite.

"Afternoon Abby," he greeted, "Raven," he added nodding to her before looking back at Abby with an almost knowing smile.

"Shut up Marcus," Abby replied, a teasing tone to her voice and a smile on her face.

Raven looked at Abby quizzically before glancing at Kane and back to Abby.

"Just happy to see things are working out," he remarked honestly and it clicked in Raven's head - he knew.

Abby looked at Raven sheepishly before turning back to Kane, "It is," she acknowledged as she brushed the top of Raven's hand with her own, squeezing briefly before releasing it again.

"And here I thought you two were a thing," Raven commented, trying to move the attention away from her and wishing she had not finished her meal.

Kane laughed, "Not for lack of trying on my part," he replied casually, "But Abby had someone else on her mind."

"Thank you Marcus," Abby replied, her voice hard as she shot him a look, eyes dancing despite the overtone of annoyance.

Kane put up his hands in mock-surrender, "As you wish," he acquiesced, getting up from the bench, "Good afternoon ladies," he added before smiling and turning into the main part of the camp.

"So Kane knows," Raven labelled the obvious, self-conscious.

"I spent a lot of time with him after you left - he... figured it out," she replied, putting her utensils down on her empty plate.

She looked over but Raven could not look up. A pit of worry had found it's way into the centre of her high - worry that she was not good enough, that this could never be real. The fact that Kane knew somehow made it more tangible and Raven worried that one wrong move would break this thing that made her so happy.

"What is it?" Abby asked, moving one leg to the other side of the bench so she was straddling it and facing Raven.

"I don't want to hurt you," Raven blurted out, unable to meet Abby's eyes.

Abby leaned forward, her breath ghosting Raven's ear.

"You may, and I might hurt you, but I will no longer deny what I _feel_ about you," she affirmed, taking Raven's hand in both of hers.

Raven could feel her breath catch as Abby's words filled her heart with light. Abby backed away, releasing her hand, and Raven turned to meet her eyes. Abby's eyebrows were raised with expected confirmation and Raven nodded at the implicit question held within.

"Good," Abby replied standing and grabbing her tray, "I have to check in with Sinclair and will probably be busy for a few hours. Dinner tonight at mine?" she asked.

"Why Dr Griffin," Raven drawled, "You asking me on a date?" she teased.

Abby smiled, "Well it won't be much of one as I can't cook but yes," she affirmed.

"Then I accept," Raven replied, her stomach somersaulting, "Pick me up in engineering when you're ready."

"See you then," Abby replied, squeezing Raven's shoulder as she left to return her tray.

* * *

What Raven had forgotten was that Wick might be in engineering. She saw his tall form as she entered and froze in the doorway. She was considering leaving but she knew she would have to face him sometime so she took another step in.

Wick turned as she entered, "Ah, the Prodigal returns," he announced to an empty room, glancing up at her for a moment before turning back to the project before him, "So you and Abby huh?" he asked without looking back.

Raven froze for a moment, wondering if she would ever get used to people knowing.

"Wick I'm sorry," she replied.

Wick turned, the piece he was working on in his hand, "Don't be, she's hot," he teasingly acknowledged, glancing up to meet Raven's eyes.

Raven couldn't stop the wry smile on her face, "Not for that, for the way I left things with you."

"Yep, that was pretty rude of you - coming in to fuck the life out me and then leaving without a word," he joked before looking at her seriously, "It wasn't my shining moment either Raven, I should have stopped you, I didn't," he acknowledged.

Raven nodded, "Well I'm sorry anyway."

"Thanks," Wick replied.

Raven looked down at the piece Wick was holding, "Is that a reverse flux capacitor?"

They fell back into the easy rhythm of their mechanical/engineering rivalry as Wick brought Raven up to speed with the various projects on the grounded Ark. Time passed more quickly and easily than Raven had expected and soon she heard a knock at the doorframe. She turned to see Abby leaning with her back against the doorframe, one hand in the back pocket of her jeans, and was struck by sight of her. She was wearing the clothes she always wore but Raven had never acknowledged how breathtakingly beautiful she was until this moment and the realisation left her breathless.

"Hi Kyle," Abby greeted before looking at Raven, “You ready?” she asked.

"Your carriage awaits," Wick teased, turning to Raven as she finished up the alterations on the piece in front of her and handed it over to Wick.

"See you tomorrow Wick," she offered as she left, Abby falling into step beside her.

"So how was your Chancellor-ing?" Raven asked, trying to take her mind off the fact that this was a _date_ and remember that it was Abby.

Abby chuckled, "Better than most days," she replied, as she walked down the hall of the Ark and to her bunk.

She started to catch Raven up on what had been happening since she had been away. Some of it Raven knew from Wick but even then it was good to hear it from Abby, the monologue starting to take the edge off the nervousness Raven was feeling.

* * *

Abby paused at her bunk, opening the door before escorting Raven within.

Her bunk was not large but she had rearranged some of the furniture and pulled out her small table so that it would sit both of them.

"I stole a chair from Medical," she commented, more to have something to say as Raven looked around.

On the table was an arrangement of fruits, nuts and some carrot-like root vegetable they had found a couple of months ago and were currently trying to cultivate.

"I figured we had a late lunch so you wouldn't be too hungry," Abby pointed out.

"You're right," Raven replied as she went to sit down.

"Water or moonshine?" Abby asked as she went over to the nightstand which held two cups.

"Uhh... moonshine," Raven answered with emphasis.

"That sure huh?" Abby joked.

"That nervous yes," Raven admitted.

Abby chuckled, looking up without a word before pouring moonshine for them both and bringing the cups over.

She sat down opposite Raven and raised her cup, "To new beginnings," she toasted.

Raven picked up her cup and tapped Abby's, "New beginnings," she affirmed.

Abby took a large sip of her drink before putting it down and serving herself some of the food, Raven following suit.

"So, what were you working on with Wick today?" Abby asked by way of conversation as they passed the dishes between them.

Abby listened as Raven explained what she had been working on and how it fit into a larger project, noticing that Raven carefully avoided losing her to technobabble. They talked about ways of making the camp more efficient and improving food collection and eventually Abby asked about Raven's time in the wilderness.

As they chatted and laughed together Abby's nervousness dissipated and a comfortable warmth settled in her stomach. It was easy, being here like this.

They had long finished the food and moonshine and were on to water when Raven yawned expansively. "I should probably go," she offered, making to stand.

Abby nodded and stood as Raven stacked her dishes together and stood, picking them up. "Where should I put these?" she asked.

"Leave them to me," Abby instructed, taking the dishes from Raven's hands and putting them back on the table before taking Raven's hands in her own.

She heard Raven's breath hitch and could feel it in her own fingertips, the electricity she had fought so long to ignore. Things had been clearer with the table between them but now her desire was blurring what she 'should' do with what she wanted.

"Tonight was nice," Abby forced out softly, her thumbs rubbing the tops of Raven's hands as she glanced up to see Raven's eyes, tracking her face, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

"Yea," Raven replied distractedly, and Abby could see her eyes settle on Abby's lips.

Abby's felt her breathing go shallow as Raven leaned forward slowly. She leaned in to meet Raven's lips, the touch of them heating her body as all thoughts of what she 'should' do were incinerated. Their tongues met, duelled and explored as she released Raven's hands and found her body, easing up the fabric of her shirt to the soft skin underneath. She splayed her fingers along the muscles of her stomach before tracing a line along her hips and to her back, sliding her hands up her back until she met the tie of her bra. She broke the kiss to look Raven in the eye as her fingers drew invisible lines around the strap on her back.

Raven nodded but she swallowed visibly and Abby could see something holding her back.

She moved one hand to Raven's hip while the other cupped her face as she leaned in to the opposite ear, "Raven," she whispered, "What is it honey?"

Raven's fingers, previously tangled in Abby's hair, fell to her neck as Abby felt the younger woman pull their bodies together tightly.

"I don't want this to ruin us," Raven gasped, burying her face in Abby's neck.

Abby's fingers ran through Raven's hair, "Because of what happened with Wick?" she asked.

She felt Raven nod.

"Because that is how you cope?" Abby prompted softer, trying not to hurt Raven more than she had already hurt herself.

Raven pulled away and looked at Abby, nodding again.

"What are you trying to cope with now?" she asked, flicking her gaze between Raven's eyes. She saw it when it happened, the realisation, and Raven's shoulders eased visibly as she shook her head.

"The fact I want you so damn much," she responded breathily, a smile spreading across her face.

Abby felt herself smile in parallel as she felt Raven's words echo to the growing damp between her thighs.

"We don't have to," Abby replied, "but the feeling is mutual," she added with a wry smile.

She felt Raven's hands return to her neck as she was pulled in for another kiss, shocked by how quickly she had become intoxicated by the taste of those lips.

Yet, just as quickly as they arrived they were gone, and she felt them on her neck, pulling at the collar of her shirt to taste her collarbone as Raven's hands found the bottom of her shirt.

Abby backed them up to the bed, pulling away from Raven as she sat. Raven stood before her, pulling her shirt off with one motion before straddling Abby's lap.

Abby found herself staring at the expanse of skin before lips claimed hers again. Her hands found the ties to Raven's bra as Raven eased Abby's shirt up, breaking the kiss to discard it beside them. Before she could yank Raven's bra free she felt herself pushed back on the bed as Raven's lips kissed and licked a path across her stomach, edging her belly button and down to her hip bones, the moan escaping of its own accord as her eyes fell shut.

Raven's lips returned to her ear, "Undo your bra," she instructed hungrily.

Abby opened her eyes to see Raven kneeling above her, the want in her eyes making Abby's breath catch as she bit her lower lip and crooked her arms to comply.

"Bad planning on your part eh?" she responded teasingly and Raven smiled.

"It's going to be like that is it?" Raven asked as she returned to Abby's hip, undoing her jeans and sliding them down just enough that she could taste the skin just above her undies.

Raven's tongue so close but so far from where Abby really wanted it was definitely apt punishment and she writhed with need, biting her lower lip harder to try to gain some control back.

"I believe that's my job," Raven said as she returned to Abby's mouth, sucking on her lower lip and then giving it a bite.

Abby had finally worked her bra free and lie back to the bed as Raven pulled the fabric aside and teased the left nipple with her tongue before moving to the right, sucking and licking and nipping between them until Abby thought she would come right then. She felt Raven's weight shift off the bed before her pants were eased off her hips, Raven pulling them to the floor as her hands ran up Abby's thighs. Abby pulled herself more onto the bed and Raven climbed back on, running abstract patterns between her thigh and her knee, easing inward and higher until Abby could feel the press of them against her very wet underwear.

"Oh God Raven," Abby breathed.

"I don't usually answer to God but if you insist," Raven replied, lying beside Abby, her hands wandering across Abby's body as they inched lower and lower, pulling gently at Abby's underwear and adding it to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor.

Abby felt the cool air between her thighs and groaned again, the air quickly replaced by Raven's fingers as she felt them press against her.

"Oh Abby," Raven groaned softly as she began to stroke between her thighs.

Abby felt her need skyrocket and grabbed Raven's wrist, easing the younger woman's fingers inside her. Her hips bucked as Raven found a rhythm, pushing Raven's fingers in and out, deeper inside her. She felt Raven's weight shift as the angle of her fingers changed, regaining the rhythm moments before she felt Raven't tongue wrap around her clit. Abby grabbed for pillows to muffle the cries she could feel more than hear as her body went rigid, the orgasm coming in waves of light that blocked out conscious thought.

When she came to she was still muttering expletives into the pillow, Raven's fingers ghosting her stomach.

She removed the pillow from her face to see Raven's smug smile, "I take it that was not bad for a first timer?" Raven commented.

Abby bashed her in the side of the head with the pillow, and she fell to the bed, still smiling as Abby flipped over and straddled Raven's knees.

"How do you still have some of your clothes on?" Abby remarked, gesturing to Raven's pants.

Raven raised an eyebrow, "I might have had you otherwise engaged," she commented.

"Shall we fix that?" Abby replied before leaning in to kiss Raven again, her hands wandering to the brace on her left knee.

* * *

Raven felt Abby's hands reach her brace and broke the kiss, "I can do it," she stated more than offered as she tried to get to her brace.

"I'm sure you can," Abby replied, "But you are going to stay there," Abby indicated pointedly, "And let me do it."

Raven watched Abby, putting her hands under her as the compulsion niggled at her. She did not know why the brace was still making her feel to self-conscious, in front of Abby of all people, but she could not help the discomfort caused by the attention she was giving to it.

And yet, as Abby undid the latches slowly, taking care not to pinch Raven's skin in the process, Raven's heart swelled. She looked down at Abby and saw through the haze of her own desire to see her truly for the first time and the tenderness she saw hit her like a physical blow.

She watched as Abby finished unlatching the brace, putting it aside carefully before kissing Raven's knee through the fabric and looking up at her again.

Abby's smile fell as soon as she met Raven's eyes.

She cocked her head, "what is it?" she asked, concern furrowed across her face.

"I..." Raven began before shaking her head. She did not know how to explain how the simple act had touched her. "Thank you," she finally stated, knowing it was not enough. Abby nodded, her face brightening as she seemed to read the depth of those words from Raven's eyes.

"You're welcome," Abby answered simply before coming up beside Raven and brushing her fingers above Raven's eye and down her cheek before cupping her jaw and drawing her into a kiss.

The kiss was different somehow, slower and sensual, lacking the urgency and raw need of earlier and they lie there for a moment just tasting each other, fingers intertwining as they pulled each other closer.

Raven could feel Abby's body next to hers, skin on skin where it was not obstructed by her clothing. She released Abby's hand, pulling her own bra away and her pants down so she could feel her warm skin press against as many surfaces as possible. She felt the need building in her again, blossoming from her desire to be as close to Abby as possible, she wanted their bodies to merge within the same skin and it ached within her that this was a physical impossibility.

Raven felt Abby's hands as they began to wander across her body, trailing back and forth from her collarbone to the inside of her arm, breaking their kiss and licking the inside of her elbow, the simple act making her body twitch and squirm. Raven watched a smile break out across Abby's face as she straddled Raven's hips, leaning over Raven's other arm and practicing the same ministrations. As she sucked on the underside of Raven's other elbow her fingers danced to her wrist and splayed out to her fingers. Abby's lips followed her fingers, sucking briefly on her wrist before drawing fingers into her mouth one by one, her tongue circling the tips as she pulled them out again.

Raven tried to steady her breathing but she could not stop the way her hips were moving and the fact Abby had them pinned beneath her just made every movement an ever more sweet agony.

Abby released Raven's hand and turned to her, her hair falling across her face in a disheveled mess that Raven found only emphasised how incredibly sexy she looked straddling her naked.

"You're going to catch flies in that mouth," Abby uttered huskily before clearing her throat and Raven shut the mouth she did not realise she had let fall open.

Regaining her sense Raven grabbed Abby's neck and pulled her lips into a crushing kiss, "I want you inside me," she declared, lips pressed against lips before Abby's tongue gained entrance, filling her mouth with a heat that resonated throughout her body before coalescing between her thighs.

They maintained the kiss as Abby separated their bodies, splaying her hands across Raven's stomach before scratching fine lines ever lower as Raven tried to minimise her body's reaction to Abby's infuriatingly slow pace.

She felt Abby's weight shift and the kiss was broken as Abby pulled Raven's underwear down before sitting between her legs, nipping at the inside of one thigh and then the other.

Raven groaned in frustration, biting her lip as Abby went closer and then further from her need, Abby's breath teasing in a way Raven doubted was intentional.

She was sure she would be tasting her own blood before Abby touched her but even as she had the thought she felt two fingers slide within her. She released the death-bite on her lip as her eyes fell closed. She rode Abby's fingers deeper inside of her, Abby adding a third as Raven felt the pure pleasure building within her with an intensity she had not thought possible. Her thoughts went white as the orgasm shot through her, her body tensing for what seemed like ages before it fell to the bed sweaty and spent.

She felt Abby shift on the bed before moving to lie next to her.

"Wow," she uttered, breathing still coming in ragged gasps.

She heard Abby's clear laugh next to her ear before she felt the kiss on her lips. She opened her eyes to see Abby snuggled next to her, her hand resting on Raven's ribs, looking up at her with a slightly pensive smile.

"What is it?" Raven asked softly, trying to read Abby's expression as she interlinked her hand with the one on her chest.

"I was just thinking," Abby replied as she propped herself up, disconnecting their fingers. She ran her now-free hand through the hair edging Raven's face, "I always knew there was something special about you but I had no idea how important you would be to me."

She met Abby's eyes and felt the depth of meaning held there as a physical blow to the chest.

"You do realise that you've just blown my mind and I've no coherent thought to respond to that right?" Raven quipped.

Abby laughed again and the sound filled her with light. She watched Abby lie back down, curled up beside her, and smiled. It did indeed seem too good to be true, so far from that first moment they spoke about the vents on the Ark, but here they were. She knew that the future would be far from easy but she also knew that they had both come too far to give up.

* * *


End file.
